Marriage By Design

Marriage is a designer relationship.  Regardless of how the Johnny-come-lately designers wish to redefine this designer relationship, the original designer has created a unique relationship, different than any other relationship experienced by humanity.  His design has worked marvelously since the beginning of time.  Sure, there are people who attempted to live this designer relationship and failed, but it is always because of the neglect, of one or both parties, to follow the guidelines of the designer.  Truly, if one doesn’t follow the recipe, then the cake comes out of the oven, noticeably different than the picture in the cookbook.  We cannot blame the designer, if we don’t follow the plans for His design.  Hopefully, we aren’t naïve enough to believe we can mix ingredients willy-nilly off the shelf, throw the mix in the oven and expect it to come out looking and tasting like the carefully designed and tested original recipe?  I would hope not!

Why then would we expect that a unique relationship like marriage, designed by God, would turn out successfully, without following the design of the relationships creator?  As a disciple of Christ Jesus and a Bible believer, I look to the Bible for basic information on everything and do my best to allow my Lord to give me direction for my life, including marriage.  What I find is, that the first marriage described in the Bible is in Genesis 2:15-25.

“And the LORD God took the man, and put him into the garden of Eden to dress it and to keep it.  And the LORD God commanded the man, saying, Of every tree of the garden thou mayest freely eat: but of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, thou shalt not eat of it: for in the day that thou eatest thereof thou shalt surely die.  And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.  And out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air; and brought them unto Adam to see what he would call them: and whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that was the name thereof.  And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him.  And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; and the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.

And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.  And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.”

This is God’s basic requirement for marriage. It is one man and one woman, under the authority and design of God, for life.  He did not include an escape clause if life got hard (divorce).  He did not give control of the design to any human government, either civil or ecclesiastical.  He did not give the authority to declare a couple married, to any of the above governments.  Human cultures and governments have taken God’s design and placed it under the umbrellas of either civil or ecclesiastical powers to be valid.  I maintain that a marriage does not require or benefit from a license granted by church or state.  An embossed piece of paper or a pronouncement by pastor, priest or probate does nothing to cement the union of marriage.  If the man and woman do not have the commitment to each other and God’s design, no piece of paper or ceremony will make it stronger.  Rather, the license appears to many that have it, as a sentence of confinement.  Somehow our culture has gotten the idea that the license and ceremony, in some way, make the marriage valid and concrete.  Sadly, the statistics for the last seventy years show that to be false.  The divorce rate in our western culture has continued to climb unabated.  For a time, those in churches and religious in their lifestyle held the line on fidelity, but now there is virtually no difference in the divorce rate between secular and religious.  Such statistics prove that neither license or ceremony have any validity in securing a stable marriage.

What has changed is that we have allowed our culture, secular and religious, to redefine and attempt to redesign that which God gave us as a designer relationship.  For us to have the designed results, we must follow the designer’s plan (recipe).  God designed marriage to be the closest thing to a heavenly relationship possible on Earth, but for many, many, people it is closer to Hell than Heaven.  The marriage relationship is the only institution created by God, before the fall of mankind into sin, yet it endures.  Marriage endures in a sinful world and because of sin; married people have problems that would not have existed before the fall into sin.  The answer to this problem is not to redesign the relationship, but rather to adhere as closely as possible to the original design of the first “designer relationship”.  We are foolish, indeed if we can expect God to bless our design over His own design for marriage.

Let’s look at God’s designer relationship as found in the Bible, for a pattern for ours.  In the scripture verses above and everywhere else in the Bible, we find that there are only two people in the relationship, one man and one woman.  According to the scripture, even in-laws are not in the marriage, hence the instruction for a man to leave his parents and cleave to his wife.  The two become one flesh, both in their sexual union, and also as starting a new family unit.  Here is what we see in Genesis 2 in order of occurrence. 

1.      God made the man and put him in the Garden of Eden.

2.    God gave the man a job (dress and keep the garden).

3.     God gave the man a commandment.

4.    God acknowledged that it was not good for the man to be alone and committed to making a helper for him.

5.     God made from the ground, a sampling of all the creatures listed there, for the Adam to name them, but there was no one like Adam to be a helper for him.  Humorously, I think this was to dispel the later myth that a dog is aman’s best friend.

6.    God put Adam to sleep and removed a rib.

7.     From the rib, God made the first woman.

8.    God brought the woman to Adam.

9.    They were both naked and unashamed.

God, not being the author of confusion, would have us learn from the order of His creation for His design for marriage.  Because of what we see in this list, we are able to join with other scriptures and come to a good understanding of His designer relationship.

1.      Note that God made Adam first; He gave him the task of dressing and keeping the garden, along with that was the commandment about the two trees in the middle of the garden.  This reveals to us that in God’s design the man has the role of leadership and ultimate responsibility for the relationship.  See also the words given by God for the Apostle Paul to write to the Corinthians and for our benefit:  1 Corinthians 11:3 “But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.” 1 Corinthians 11:7-9 “For a man indeed ought not to cover his head, forasmuch as he is the image and glory of God: but the woman is the glory of the man.  For the man is not of the woman; but the woman of the man. Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man.”

2.    No matter how many men think that they are independent and self-sufficient, God has another opinion and He said that it is not good for the man to be alone.  His opinion is the one that counts and God designed women to be very important in a man’s life.

3.     The woman (Eve) that God created for Adam is unlike any and all of the animals in creation.  Both Adam and Eve are created in the image and likeness of God.  She is most like Adam, different, but complimentary.  That’s why the pieces of the body fit together.  That is why skills are not duplicated but compliment each other.  That is why personalities are unique and different, not the same.  They are to be a blessing to each other.

4.    The woman is to be the helper of the man in his God given tasks, not pursuing a separate career path.  He leads, she helps.  In today’s world, one of the biggest design errors is the lack of direction or mission for the man.  Too many flounder and the women are unable to help.

5.     The man and the woman were of one flesh, by way of original creation.  The man was made from the dust and the woman was made from his flesh and bone.  They and all subsequent couples become one flesh again, via copulation, not a license or pronouncement of any external authority.  If the man and woman do not have the commitment to each other and God’s design, no piece of paper or ceremony will make it stronger. 

6.    “They were naked and unashamed”.  Sexual relations between spouses are not in any way sinful, dirty, immoral or any other negative description that can be conceived.  Hebrews 13:4, “Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.”  Marital sex ought not to be a public exercise, but private.  Within that privacy there is a part of the designer relationship that reflects the intimacy and delight of Christ with His people.

7.     The relationship between the couple reflects not only the intimacy that exists between Christ and His people but also the love that He has for His people and their glad submission to Him.  Ephesians 5:32-33,  “This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.”  Men are to love their wives as Christ loves His churches; standing in front to protect, provide and embrace them.  Women are to treat their husband with the same respect, fear and admiration that they offer up to Christ.  Failure on the part of either party detracts from the effectiveness of God’s design.

In light of the above information, we may come to these conclusions:

·       Marriage is a divinely created institution for the benefit of mankind.  It is between one man and one woman only.  Old Testament saints that were clearly and certainly, under the blessing of God, were also frequently polygynists (sometimes commanded to be so), but each marriage was between one man and one woman.  In this type of situation, the designer relationship is unchanged; it is just that men may, for certain purposes have multiple such relationships. 

·       In our world today, there are many individuals and large groups that would attempt to redefine marriage to include relationships between same sex couples.  This is not new to our time.  Such relationships existed even in antiquity and up to modern times across the world.  It is not the business of governments, either civil or ecclesiastical to be involved in the personal lives of private citizens.  Many good and honest people are involved in such relationships.    I would like to see our culture exclude giving particular benefits to married couples that are not extended to couples in other styles of relationship.  I do not want to see marriage redefined, to enable all to have equal benefit under the law.  I am neither advocating nor attempting to control the type of interpersonal relationships available to consenting adults.  We should be able to exercise our liberty to proclaim the Biblical concept of marriage without forcing others, by virtue of legal authority to conform to our point of view.  Liberty for one requires liberty for all.  Accepting the Biblical rule must be a matter of conscience.

·       Marriage licenses or ecclesiastical approval are not required for a couple to be genuinely married under God.

·       For God’s designer relationship to be successful we must operate according to His instructions.  This involves His order.  Men must have a mission and purpose that the women can support them in.  Men are to be the leaders in their families and not foist that responsibility on to the shoulders of their helpers.  Helpers are to help, not direct or criticize.  Be a blessing, not a barrier.

Final thought:  When a man and woman come together in this designer relationship, it is their personal integrity that keeps them together.  Do not rely on hopes of changing someone or legal status to make a successful marriage.  Make the commitment, celebrate with friends and family, then go on and live your life to the fullest.

To Fix The Problem - Find Where It Started

In the Beginning - That’s Where Everything Starts




The book of Genesis is not only the first book of the Bible, but it is the book of firsts. Since this book records the origin of the world and particularly human life, we can expect to find the first occurrence of the issues that affect our lives and God's instructions on how to live pleasing to Him. One of the finest principles of Biblical Hermeneutics is "The First Mention Principle". This is the idea that God's first revelation on an issue is of fundamental importance. Closely allied with this principle is another, "The Progressive Mention Principle". This principle shows us how, after His initial revelation, God continues throughout the Scriptures to give us additional information regarding issues that affect His plan for all humankind. These two principles are particularly useful in understanding God's plan for redemption of humankind. However this article is about a facet of that plan that affects us all and not the complete plan.



The First Family of the World Arrives




This is about the first man and the first woman and their respective testing whose failure ultimately affected the entire human race. We know the story of Genesis; in chapter one God created the entire world in six literal days and on day six He created mankind in His own image and likeness. In chapter two we see an exploded view of day six where God declares the generations of the heavens and Earth and gives a detailed description of the creation of the first man and woman. It is in chapter three that our story takes place. God created Adam and gave Him the command to eat anything he liked, but the fruit of one special tree. After Adam names the animals and it is apparent that there is no one like him, for him; God creates Eve and brings her to Adam. There is no indication; anywhere in the Bible that God also gave to Eve the same instruction about the special tree, actually later we find indication that it was Adam’s responsibility to see to it that she knew about it.



Problems Plague the First Family



I think we all know of the story of the serpent tempting Eve, but are we aware of why the sin that takes place in the Garden of Eden is called the sin of Adam? Eve took the forbidden fruit first, but Adam takes the heat for it, what’s up with that? Hardly seems fair does it? First, let me say that God makes no mistakes and is totally righteous in all that He does! What may seem unfair to us always has a back-story that will vindicate our righteous Lord! Here’s that story.

1. God made Adam and gave him commands and authority of leadership.

2. God made Eve next and gave her the position of following Adam.

3. In the Garden there was order and structure. These same truths are seen in I Corinthians 11:1-12.

4. Both Adam and Eve were about to be tested (tempted) for faithfulness. Both failed their test.

5. The serpent (Satan) approached Eve first. God allowed this for some obvious reasons. The temptation was to check faithfulness, not knowledge or ability. She needed to be tested first because Adam’s authority exceeds hers. If Adam were tested first she would have been untested because the damage would have been done and she would have been included in the consequence.

6. Eve’s temptation was to listen to the authority of her husband (Adam) or to chose to listen to the advice of the serpent, thereby taking family authority (Adams) for herself, thwarting God’s plan and altering her designed position. She failed her test. The following scripture selection reveals the conflict and the consequence.
Genesis 3:1-6

Now the serpent was more subtil than any beast of the field which the LORD God had made. And he said unto the woman, Yea, hath God said, Ye shall not eat of every tree of the garden? And the woman said unto the serpent, We may eat of the fruit of the trees of the garden: But of the fruit of the tree which is in the midst of the garden, God hath said, Ye shall not eat of it, neither shall ye touch it, lest ye die. And the serpent said unto the woman, Ye shall not surely die: For God doth know that in the day ye eat thereof, then your eyes shall be opened, and ye shall be as gods, knowing good and evil. And when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree to be desired to make one wise, she took of the fruit thereof, and did eat, and gave also unto her husband with her; and he did eat.


Genesis 3:13
And the LORD God said unto the woman, What is this that thou hast done? And the woman said, The serpent beguiled me, and I did eat.


Genesis 3:16
Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.



7. Adam’s temptation was not the beguiling of the serpent or the attractiveness of the fruit. His testing was also in the arena of authority. Would he listen to the authority of God’s command or would he listen to the voice of his wife? Adam made the wrong choice. He listened to Eve instead of God; therefore it is Adam’s sin that has affected the entire human race. Disobeying the voice of a man may bring temporal consequences, but disobeying the voice of God brings eternal consequences. 1 Corinthians 15:21-22 “For since by man came death, by man came also the resurrection of the dead. For as in Adam all die, even so in Christ shall all be made alive.”

8. The consequence of Adam’s sin is death to the entire human race, but God provided a way of redemption and salvation, also first demonstrated in the first chapters of Genesis. The consequence of Eve’s sin is difficulty in childbirth. Her being under the rule or authority of her husband is not a consequence of her sin, but rather a reminder of why she got into trouble in the first place.



First Family Failures = Modern Families Problem



In the western world we are seeing our cultures deteriorating at an epidemic rate. Many are wondering why. The reality is that the failures of the first family still plague us today. Sin has become a part of human nature as a result of Adam’s sin. We are repeating their actions in regard to authority, both God’s authority and family authority; as a result we reap the destruction and heartache that they too experienced. We cannot continue mixing up the same old recipe and expect to come up with a better cake, just won’t happen. What we must do, if we are to enjoy a better home life and by extension a better national life is to repent of our actions and return to the God designed structure for the family. God is the final authority in each person’s life and we will ALL ultimately answer to Him. The primary issue each of us will face, after yielding to Christ Jesus, as Savior is our relationship to God as the genuine Lord of our life. This is the same set of issues that Adam and Eve faced in the Garden of Eden. Whose authority are we yielding our self to? In the family God has ordained that the husband and father is the head, that is, he is the final authority for the family and he is under God’s authority. Under the headship of the husband is the wife and mother. She is under his authority and is disobedient to God and her husband if she listens to any other source of authority that would usurp her husband’s leadership. She does wrong to even go to God for instruction when her head has given direction or instruction. By going to God to get confirmation of her desire, she would actually be asking God to bless or be involved in circumventing the authority He has placed over her, her head, her husband. The only time it would be right for a wife to seek God’s intervention against her husband would be if he were an ungodly man bent on rebellion against God with destruction for her as well. Even then it is her duty to pray for him and seek to demonstrate Christ in his presence. Our culture is falling apart because of the lack of godly structure in our homes. As the family goes, so goes the nation. We have raised several generations of people that disregard God’s designated authority, both personal and familial; we therefore are reaping the reward of our disobedience. The only solution is to repent and return to God’s designated family structure. I doubt that we can change the world, but we are still responsible for our families.

Bottom line – Let’s do it to the glory of God!

Better Blueprints Make Good Structures

Western civilization is in deep trouble. We are facing an uncertain future.

One of the main reasons for this trouble is that we have strayed very far from God’s blueprint for family and the society that rests on the family. God gave us a definite structure for the family, but somewhere along the line mankind in general felt the liberty to deviate from that structure. Even Bible believing Christians as well as preachers and teachers have strayed from God’s structure. Now we are reaping the reward of our straying. One of the laws that God presents for the natural world is the law of reaping and sowing. We reap what we sow, without fail. The only way that this law is abrogated is by the intervention of a higher power. Too many people sow their wild oats and then pray for crop failure. The Bible says, “For they have sown the wind, and they shall reap the whirlwind:” Hosea 8:7. We are reaping the whirlwind of chaotic homes and society. We are crying out to God for crop failure and ignoring His instructions for recovery. With crime increasing, satisfaction with life decreasing, depression at epidemic rates, credit spending out of control and job security disappearing people have been seeking answers and comfort in new directions. We try to fill the void in our life with things, experiences and people in new ways. “Try something new, it’s got to be better”, expresses the desperate hope flooding the hearts and minds of the populace at large and sadly, even Bible believing Christians are taking up the cry. Yet in all this fervent desire for rescue from failure and the desire for success, God is saying, “Come back to me!” Several times in the Old Testament scripture and all the way through the New Testament scripture to the Revelation of Jesus Christ, God calls His people to repent (turn around), to return, to repent and do the first works. This is the essence of revival.

God is telling us today, from His Word and by His Holy Spirit, to return to His blueprint for the family. By doing so, we may have His blessing on our efforts. Do you think it unreasonable of the God of Heaven, the creator and sustainer of the world to expect us to do things His way, if we want His blessing? I don’t. He has every right, by right of creation and by right of redemption to expect us to walk in obedience to His Word and Will.

What does His blueprint look like? I will use a word that must be explained, to be understood, because it is a word that has been abused, manipulated and wrested in such a dishonest way, as to make the word completely ineffective. Yet this word is the best word (when properly understood) to describe God’s blueprint, “PATRIARCHY”. Do you understand why it must be explained, to comprehend God’s blueprint? Did not images of abusive, authoritarian, cold and distant men immediately flood your mind? Have you not heard from most every source, how evil it is to think that there are significant differences between men and women (other than biological)? God’s blueprint may well fly in the face of common knowledge, but I prefer God’s blueprint; common knowledge isn’t working out too well. Patriarchy is literally defined as father rule. "Etymologically, the word "patriarchy" derives from the Greek (patriarkhia), literally means "rule of fathers”. Fathers and husbands have become less than desirable in our culture because of militant feminism, whose efforts of liberation have exceeded the need for liberty. When we understand that God refers to Himself as “Father” to believers and to His creation, it is easy to understand how we have strayed so far from God’s blueprint.

In God’s blueprint for the family, we see the reflection that He has with both humanity at large and His believing people specifically. This is described in Ephesians 5: 22-33 “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; that he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, that he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: for we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.”

The husband – wife relationship is based upon the relationship between Christ and His church. Husbands are to love and behave toward their wives in the same way that Christ loves and behaves toward His church. Wives are to graciously respond to and follow their husbands leadership in the same way His church is to graciously follow Christ’s leadership. Properly followed the resulting marital relationship will result in this pattern.

•  The husband/father will exercise headship for the wife and family, taking seriously, the responsibility of leadership, provision and protection. He will duplicate, as far as humanly possible, with divine aid, the love, comfort and companionship that Christ Himself provides us all. This will exclude the possibility of abuse, selfishness and neglect. Such a task will keep an honest man frequently on his knees before our Lord, seeking guidance and strength to live with our families, as Christ lives with His churches.

• The wife will practice, as far as humanly possible, with divine aid, the grace of total submission to her husband, showing to him reverence, trust, honor and love that is due him as the representative of Christ in their home. Such genuine submission to her husband is an act of her will, totally under her purview, as the church is willfully subject to Christ. Her behavior in this manner does not in any way diminish her intelligence, strength or will. Rather, it increases the awareness of her qualities and contribution to the husband’s leadership. By doing so she increases her value, by being a willing and enthusiastic supporter in the cause of the husbands calling.

• Wives subjugate their right of leadership to the authority of the husband as God Himself established it.

• Husbands will bind themselves by love to the awesome responsibility of leading and providing for their wives, not seeking personal prestige, but fulfilling God’s calling in their lives.

Our straying from this blueprint has created a chaos that has been labeled normal, but produced abnormal results. Divorce statistics for Christians that rival the rest of the world, disenfranchised children, school age children being sedated by parents and doctors, just to fit into the education system and ever increasing dissatisfaction with life are all evidences of our deviation from God’s blueprint and the resulting tragedy. The conflict between husbands and wives that is so evident in our culture is another result. Husbands’ fail when they do not step up to the plate and do those tasks given by God. By not doing so they put their wives in the position of shouldering the responsibility that God gave the men. This is not God’s design and it isn’t about whether or not the women can perform the manly tasks, in most cases they can. However, it is not their job to do so, they have their own tasks assigned by our Lord, which they are better suited for. These include the nurturing and supporting skills that women are so well known for. Can men do these same things? Yes, but not as effectively as the women who were originally assigned these good tasks. When wives are not willing to remain in their supporting role and covet the authority and leadership that God designed for the husbands and the men, for the authority and leadership role, the wives then cause their husbands to react negatively or accept a submissive nature, they were not designed for. This increases the conflict.

I hope it is not necessary to delve into the uniqueness with which both men and women were created or to provide argument that equality in value before God and society does not equal sameness in responsibility or efficiency. There is a definite, distinctive role for men and for women. While each may pick up the slack for the other in time of emergency, such activity is not the norm of God’s design. Effectiveness, efficiency and enjoyment of life all suffer when we deviate from God’s blueprint.

We must ask our selves, “What are we willing to settle for?” To be honest, it will always be difficult to follow God’s blueprint. Our own (sinful even though redeemed) human will, struggles with being the man or woman God wants us to be. Our culture is definitely against God’s blueprint, just as it is in rebellion against God’s authority in every area of life. To make things even worse, God’s enemy and ours, Satan endeavors to do all he can to destroy God’s authority in the life of God’s saints. Satan will even stimulate our human will and our culture in rebellion against God. These three the Bible describes as our foes, the world, the flesh and the devil, they are very effective. So, following God, as He leads, through His Word, by His Spirit will always be an uphill climb. We must count the cost and determine in our own hearts, “Am I willing to obey God and go against the tide of world opinion or will I take the easy route of less or no opposition?” Joshua said in a similar situation, “ Now therefore fear the LORD, and serve him in sincerity and in truth: and put away the gods which your fathers served on the other side of the flood, and in Egypt; and serve ye the LORD. And if it seem evil unto you to serve the LORD, choose you this day whom ye will serve; whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the flood, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land ye dwell: but as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD.” Joshua 24:14-15

                                                                                                                                         … John Whitten

BOAZ - The unsung hero of the Book of Ruth

The law of the childless widow.

Deuteronomy 25:5-10

If brethren dwell together, and one of them die, and have no child, the wife of the dead shall not marry without unto a stranger: her husband's brother shall go in unto her, and take her to him to wife, and perform the duty of an husband's brother unto her. And it shall be, that the firstborn which she beareth shall succeed in the name of his brother which is dead, that his name be not put out of Israel. And if the man like not to take his brother's wife, then let his brother's wife go up to the gate unto the elders, and say, My husband's brother refuseth to raise up unto his brother a name in Israel, he will not perform the duty of my husband's brother. Then the elders of his city shall call him, and speak unto him: and if he stand to it, and say, I like not to take her; then shall his brother's wife come unto him in the presence of the elders, and loose his shoe from off his foot, and spit in his face, and shall answer and say, So shall it be done unto that man that will not build up his brother's house. And his name shall be called in Israel, The house of him that hath his shoe loosed.



Boaz was wealthy and well respected.

Ruth 2:1

And Naomi had a kinsman of her husband's, a mighty man of wealth, of the family of Elimelech; and his name was Boaz.



Boaz was spiritual.

Ruth 2:4-5

And behold, Boaz came from Bethlehem, and said unto the reapers, The LORD be with you. And they answered him, The LORD bless thee. Then said Boaz unto his servant that was set over the reapers, “Whose damsel is this?”



Boaz was practical.

Ruth 2:8-9

Then said Boaz unto Ruth, Hearest thou not, my daughter? Go not to glean in another field, neither go from hence, but abide here fast by my maidens: Let thine eyes be on the field that they do reap, and go thou after them: have I not charged the young men that they shall not touch thee? and when thou art athirst, go unto the vessels, and drink of that which the young men have drawn.



Boaz had good values and respected the same in others.

Ruth 2:11-12

And Boaz answered and said unto her, It hath fully been shewed me, all that thou hast done unto thy mother in law since the death of thine husband: and how thou hast left thy father and thy mother, and the land of thy nativity, and art come unto a people which thou knewest not heretofore. The LORD recompense thy work, and a full reward be given thee of the LORD God of Israel, under whose wings thou art come to trust.





Boaz was generous.

Ruth 2:15-16

And when she was risen up to glean, Boaz commanded his young men, saying, Let her glean even among the sheaves, and reproach her not: and let fall also some of the handfuls of purpose for her, and leave them, that she may glean them, and rebuke her not.



Boaz was a man of higher than normal moral standards.

Ruth 3:7-12

And when Boaz had eaten and drunk, and his heart was merry, he went to lie down at the end of the heap of corn: and she came softly, and uncovered his feet, and laid her down. And it came to pass at midnight, that the man was afraid, and turned himself: and, behold, a woman lay at his feet. And he said, Who art thou? And she answered, I am Ruth thine handmaid: spread therefore thy skirt over thine handmaid; for thou art a near kinsman. And he said, Blessed be thou of the LORD, my daughter: for thou hast shewed more kindness in the latter end than at the beginning, inasmuch as thou followedst not young men, whether poor or rich. And now, my daughter, fear not; I will do to thee all that thou requirest: for all the city of my people doth know that thou art a virtuous woman. And now it is true that I am thy near kinsman: howbeit there is a kinsman nearer than I.



Boaz knew how to take care of business.

Ruth 4:1-2

Then went Boaz up to the gate, and sat him down there: and, behold, the kinsman of whom Boaz spake came by; unto whom he said, Ho, such a one! Turn aside, sit down here. And he turned aside, and sat down. And he took ten men of the elders of the city, and said, Sit ye down here. And they sat down.



Boaz was used by God in the lineage of Jesus.

Ruth 4:13

So Boaz took Ruth, and she was his wife: and when he went in unto her, the LORD gave her conception, and she bare a son.

Ruth 4:17

And the women her neighbours gave it a name, saying, There is a son born to Naomi; and they called his name Obed: he is the father of Jesse, the father of David.



Boaz was likely already married at least once.

Ruth 2:1

And Naomi had a kinsman of her husband's, a mighty man of wealth, of the family of Elimelech; and his name was Boaz.

{A man of his wealth and power was not a young man. He would have been extremely odd indeed, had he attained his position without being married to at least one wife. Polygyny was an accepted and approved practice among the people of God, even in that day.}





Boaz was more likely nearer Naomi’s age than Ruth’s age.

Like Naomi, Boaz called Ruth “daughter” 4 times. He spoke to her in a clear paternal manner until, under Naomi’s instruction; Ruth pressed the issue of the Law of the childless widow. Boaz called her righteous in the matter.



No mention of romantic love is found in the Book of Ruth.

Honor, faithfulness, respect and character permeate the book, but not one mention of romantic love is found. Where these traits exist, love will grow and abound. Where they do not exist, initial love will wither and die, leaving a bitter remorse.

Marital Bondage Is Wrong

A husband must be willing to let his wife leave the marriage, if she chooses to do so. The civil law of the USA requires it and the Word of God condones it. Though it breaks his heart, he must allow it and not attempt to force, restrict or intimidate her.

This is particularly true if the husband is a godly man, endeavoring to follow the leadership of God in his life and fulfill his calling from the Most High. Truly, she cannot be held against her will to the satisfaction of the marriage. As some wise scholar has said, “If mamma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy”. The civil law does not allow physical restraint and neither does moral conscience. A contractual commitment is insufficient to hold her, for the law allows many exceptions to the contract. If her desire is contrary to the contract, she will find a loophole. If a husband’s love and commitment is not enough to hold her, then his authority will not be sufficient either. The only other power available, to keep the wife in the marriage is her commitment to God’s command and her covenant with Him. If faithfulness to God and His design for her as a godly woman and wife in the marriage is not sufficient motivation, then there is no hope for maintaining the marriage to a godly husband. The only option is for the husband to compromise his walk with God. Her rebellion then, in effect destroys the marriage anyway, by destroying the husband as a man of God, for he cannot compromise God’s calling and leading and still remain godly. This is a repeat of what happened to Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden.

1 Corinthians 7:10-11 “And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband: but and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife.” A Biblical marriage is above all, a covenant between a man and a woman that incorporates the commands, design and standards of God. After all, He created people and He created marriage, it then follows that He sets the rules for how a marriage operates. God permits a wife to leave her husband, but He only permits her to leave, not to divorce or remarry. She is to remain celibate and married, but separate. God’s desire is that she never leave her husband, but gives her some room to exercise her own will, even if it is in opposition to God’s will. A woman that is married to a godly husband has absolutely no grounds for leaving her husband. Her own stubborn will is the only permitted reason and it reveals a rebellion against God, more than against her husband. 1 Corinthians 11:3 “But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.” For a woman to rebel against her “godly husband” is rebellion against God’s established order and God Himself.

A woman that is married to an ungodly husband, whether he is a believer or not, is bound by the same commands as a woman married to a godly husband. She is however, justified in separation when there is fear of abuse and danger, both physical and mental, to her or her children. The requirements of being celibate and separate, but still married are in force. The only justification for her remarrying is also in 1 Corinthians 7:15 “But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace.” If the unsaved (unbelieving husband) leaves her or abandons her, she is free to remarry. It is recommended that she still remain separate and celibate for a time of personal healing and the possible repentance of her husband, before moving on to another marriage. If not, the possibility of damaging future family relations is imminent.

Is a wife’s love or lack thereof sufficient proof for sustaining the marriage relationship? From a biblical perspective, I would have to say, no. Based upon two passages of scripture that are representative of the entire Bible’s position, we see the basis for the real issues regarding a wife staying or departing a marriage. One of these is Ephesians 5:22-24 “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.” Also, Ephesians 5:32-33 “This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.” In light of this passage we see that the wife’s primary responsibility in the marriage, is as a supporter (helper, Genesis 2:18). She is instructed here to submit (willfully place one’s self under the leadership and protection of another) to her own husband and the spirit in which she is to submit is “reverence”. If a wife will not revere her husband, she is not revering God. If she will not revere God, she cannot revere her husband as a godly wife. The relationship of the wife to a godly husband is to be a rubber stamp replica of her relationship to God. The second passage is Titus 2:3-5 “The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; that they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.” Contrary to popular opinion, love is taught, rather than caught. Older women are to teach the younger wives to “love their husbands and to be obedient to their own husbands”. I conclude therefore, that the love of a wife is not as important in sustaining a marriage, as is her compliance to her husband’s leadership and assuming her God designed role as a supporter in marriage. Love will accompany both the husband and wife in God’s design, but is not pre-requisite for the wife’s responsibility.

Conclusion: 1. The wife of an ungodly husband may leave her husband if she and/or her children are in danger from him. 2. The wife of an ungodly husband is permitted to leave her husband as a choice, by her desire, but such is not the will of God and will have eternal as well as temporal consequences, which will include the loss of leadership and protection. 3. The wife of an unbelieving husband that is rejected or abandoned by him is free to remarry a godly man, only. 4. The wife of a godly husband is permitted to leave her husband as a choice, by her desire, but such is not the will of God and will have eternal as well as temporal consequences, which will include the loss of leadership, protection from the husband, but possibly also from God. It is unreasonable to ask God to provide in another way, what He has already provided by a godly husband. 5. God has never recorded in scripture, instructions justifying a wife to leave or divorce a godly husband. He has however, permitted her to exercise her self-will with sure consequences. In doing so, she is under obligation to not break the marriage bond by establishing relations with another man. Such separation is to be temporary, for the purpose of repentance on either party’s part and healing of the soul.   6. For a godly husband to attempt to force his wife to remain against her will thwarts the power of the Holy Spirit to work in her heart. His task is to be consistent in his walk with God and to love his wife with all his heart, as he loves God. It is the epitome of the husband’s role to love his wife, with the love of God.

Searching for the references

I am searching the scripture for the references that show men of God explaining to God, when He called and commissioned them, that they had to go home and get the wife's agreement that it is the right thing to do.

1.Noah - Nope, nothing there.

2.Abram - Also, no such reference.

3.Moses - Nah, Aaron was already on the way, no time to confer with the wife.

4.Gideon - He conferred with a fleece, not the wife.

5.David - Which wife? Too confusing, just followed God.

6.Peter and Andrew - They just followed Jesus.

7.James and John - They left Dad in the ship and immediately followed Jesus.

I am having a terrible time. Can you help me?

It appears that the men of God in scripture sought only the will and mind of God, not their spouse or children. Something must be wrong here, that's not the way it works today, is it?

Every car or RV salesman will tell you that when a man says "gotta talk to the wife", he's not a buyer. What about men that say "gotta check with the wife and get her agreement, because I can't answer God for myself"? Think God is smarter than salespeople?

Being The Post

Tetherball is a fast, exciting game. Players’ jump and punch the ball, batting it back and forth. There is a lot of yelling, screaming, cheering and enthusiasm in the effort to wind the rope in the team’s direction of play. Throughout the game the pole just stands there, inactive but steadfast with only the occasional vibration from being struck. Most of the excitement depends on the skill and enthusiasm of the players. But, without the solidity and security of the post, the game cannot work.




Family life is much like a game of tetherball. Several players, each, trying to win the game, all, husbands, wives, brothers and sisters are trying to reach their prospective goals. Yet, often they are playing against each other instead of working together to accomplish God’s goal for the family.



God created and designed the family to reflect the relationship between God and His people. For our families to successfully display that relationship we must operate by Gods design. He created the family with order, a chain of authority that will keep everything flowing freely. That chain looks like this:

1. God.

2. Husband/father.

3. Wife/mother.

4. Children.

5. Children becoming adults and taking their place as husband or wife in their own family.



The responsibility of leadership of the earthly family comes first to the husband. It is imperative for him to do his job well, that he listens to and follows his heavenly Father. As the principles of family order are implemented, a critical issue comes to the fore. That issue is, that humans are very human and not at all God. Humans can only do the best that humans can do and trust God to aid in their efforts. Not only, will husbands make unintended errors, but so will wives and children. The cumulative errors will often create a chaos that will require God’s intervention, as well as a good deal of grace from family members.



The Post

Just as the post is essential for tetherball, so is the husband/father significant in family life. Often, the chaos that results in the average family is not intentional, but the result of the humanity of family members. A Bible verse quoted or a discussion held will not always calm the chaos. More frequently, time is needed for God to work in the life of the family. Here is where the post must stand firm, strong and unwavering, experiencing the occasional vibration from conflict, but steadfastly clinging to the earth in which it is grounded. The husband/father must be securely grounded in his Father, God, as the rest of the family may swing to and fro, erratically at times, accompanied with sound and fury of enthusiasm, until the God of all, brings peace and victory. It is normal for us humans to have the chaos, family members may be the ball or the rope, but MEN, BE THE POST for your family.