Sound The Trumpet

“And even things without life giving sound, whether pipe or harp, except they give a distinction in the sounds, how shall it be known what is piped or harped? For if the trumpet give an uncertain sound, who shall prepare himself to the battle?”        1 Corinthians 14:7-8

For those of us interested in promoting Biblical truth, particularly in the field of marriage and the family, it is becoming more important than ever before, that we sound the trumpet with a distinct, certain sound. I understand the need for some people to protect their identity, but I feel compelled to ask, “Is it necessary for all of us to do so." The use of screen names is often a matter of cuteness or convenience, but often hides the sincerity of our position. If the signers of the declaration of independence had signed with a “guess who”, would the document have had the impact that the large signature of “John Hancock” gave it? It is my belief (I’m no authority) that it is time for the majority of us to step away from anonymity and declare, with our reputations, the veracity of our cause.
Further complicating the value of our position is the issue of “multiple online personality disorder”. While I understand the benefit of having several identities to promote or stimulate discussion and research, I see such activity as confusing and adding to the criticism of valid Biblical truths, by the opponents of Biblical marriage. Our causes and we ourselves, are benefited, by refusing to give the enemy any more ammo than is necessary.

When we as men and women of faith and integrity and as students of God’s Word take our stand, boldly upon His truth, we need not fear what the enemy can do to us. Let us make sure of our position and then stand boldly for God and His truth.

Let us, SOUND THE TRUMPET CLEARLY!

The First Wife Syndrome

As I look about me at one of the more tragic realities of modern Christianity, I feel I have found a solution that could alter that reality and it is so simple in concept that it evades our observation. The tragedy is that of failed marriages and the many, many women who wish to be happily married again or for the first time. The cause of this tragedy is the dearth of men that make good husbands. Statistics are readily available to demonstrate there exists a much higher proportion of marriageable women in our churches than there are of single marriageable men. The simple answer, amply demonstrated in the Bible, is that good men, who are already good husbands, should be husband to more than one wife, simultaneously. This is a practice we call polygamy, but in the Bible, it is simply called marriage. There is no specific designation between husbands with one or two or more wives. His relationship with each wife is that of the two becoming one flesh through physical union. The plural relationship is a man with plural wives, or we may say, one man with three marriages. The women are not married to each other; their relationship may be like that of sisters or good friends. I recognize there are many Christians that find this concept immoral or unworkable, to them I say, look at the Bible. There are many such marriages displayed and many, many more adequately implied, all without any condemnation from God and working, as well as or better than, the average monogamous marriage. Where then is the hindrance that keeps so many good women, who wish for husband and family, from being happily and properly, married? This question is the purpose of this article.



I have chosen the title, “FIRST WIFE SYNDROME” very carefully. For the purpose of this article I will assume that we will privately investigate what the Bible actually teaches in regard to plural marriage and not try to cover that information here. What I have discovered in my reading and questioning of many men and women about plural marriage is that the objections are not usually based on Biblical or moral reasons. Legalities are not even significant to keep an honest person from entering into the blessed and righteous bonds of plural marriage. The “FWS” is predicated upon the beliefs and practices of the first wife as well as the beliefs and actions of the husband as he relates to his first wife. These beliefs and practices are almost entirely emotional in nature.

IGNORANCE

The first objection that I hear from opponents of plural marriage is very basic. “It’s just not right” is the claim and when asked “according to who?” there is no foundation of righteousness for the claim. The first symptom of this syndrome is ignorance. As in most human experiences the fear of the unknown is more devastating than what is known or experienced. Ignorance then, causes more negative reaction to new ideas or practices than anything else. When I suggest the concept of plural marriage, since it is virtually unknown among us as practiced in the Bible history, most wives shrink back from such a possibility because of ignorance, not because of any reality. The dear ladies, justifiably so, begin to ask a series of questions that revolve around the thought “but what if”?

FEAR OF LOSS
The second symptom of the “FWS” is the awful sense of losing her place in life. Any woman that has agreed to marry a man as a first wife has also, in all likelihood, assumed that she would be the only wife in her husbands’ life. She has entrusted to him certain things of great value, including her trust, her future, and her affection. She has confidence in him that he will always be there for her. In most good marriages, he is the center of her world. The good wife has established her identity with her husband. When she hears or suspects that her beloved husband is considering marrying an additional wife, she fears she will lose all that she has invested in her husband. She may even feel the ground beneath her feet give way and leave her with only loss and isolation. She doesn’t want to lose her husband to another woman and lose her world at the same time. The emotional sense of impending loss is closely akin to losing a dear one to death.

FEELING UNLOVED
The third symptom is that of feeling unloved or unwanted. Closely coupled with that is the sense that she has failed to be a good wife and is being discarded for a newer model. She may fear the newer model will be younger and more attractive; that after devoting her youth and energies to her husband she is being cast aside as useless and worn out. It must seem to her that, in his eyes she lacks value and virtue, the very things she felt she was contributing to the marriage relationship. Such a wife will usually respond in one of two probable ways.

1. Desolation; hopelessness; broken spirited.

2. Rebellion; resisting any attempt of plural marriage, even to the extent of destroying her relationship with her husband.

Such feelings and responses are not abnormal, even among wonderful, God fearing and honoring wives.

INSECURITY
The fourth and last of our list of symptoms of the “FWS” is closely aligned with the other three. However, insecurity deserves to be considered as a single issue. One of the key issues in a successful marriage is the trust and security that a wife has in her husband. When any or all of the above issues have begun to emerge, she feels the safety of her whole being is undermined. She will have no safe refuge. She will begin to question his integrity, his reliability and his love. She will likely feel she has to evaluate every thing he says and wonder what he is doing when he is not in her direct presence. Her insecurity will cause her to pull away from her husband and perhaps seek the counsel and security of friends and relatives. The friends and family will most certainly not understand what is happening, therefore furthering the polarization of the family.


I would like to describe the “First Wife Syndrome” as “The accumulation of the fears of the unknown, uncertainty of love, fear of losing everything dear and the insecurity that change brings”.

Should the wife be blamed for these feelings?
I think not, should she be faulted for these feelings, again, no. These feelings are very natural and normal for the Godliest women. Her heart is designed by God to value the very things that are being threatened by the thought of plural marriage. What is the best way to deal with this syndrome and allow for the benefit of marriage to a larger group of godly women?



Enter the Husband, the key person in considering the “FWS”. He is the one that is interacting with each wife, he is the one suspected of acting out of uncontrolled lust and unfaithfulness. How the husband functions in his role of husband to his first wife will set the stage for her understanding and security. He has the ability to assuage her fears and comfort her trembling heart. Any man, who can’t or won’t love his first wife well, will not be a good candidate as husband to a second or third wife. He should never take on the responsibility of loving and caring for additional wives, if he is not already being an admirable husband to his first wife, “the wife of his youth”. The standard for this issue is the Word of God. In this case it is Malachi 2:13-16.

“And this have ye done again, covering the altar of the LORD with tears, with weeping, and with crying out, insomuch that he regardeth not the offering any more, or receiveth it with good will at your hand. Yet ye say, Wherefore? Because the LORD hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt treacherously: yet is she thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant. And did not he make one? Yet had he the residue of the spirit. And wherefore one? That he might seek a godly seed. Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously against the wife of his youth. For the LORD, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away: for one covereth violence with his garment, saith the LORD of hosts: therefore take heed to your spirit, that ye deal not treacherously.”

The women of Judah and their children were covering the altar of God with their tears because their husbands and fathers were treating them with disregard, casting them aside to take a new wife. God takes sides in this issue, calling the actions of the men, “treachery”. The practice of divorcing a wife for any reason, but that authorized by God, is the cause of much heartache and pain. Lives are ruined by such careless selfishness. God says that he hates it. God tells us through Malachi, that a first wife is a special blessing. He calls her “the wife of his youth” and “the wife of thy covenant”. She holds a very special place in her husband’s heart that should never be diminished by any act on the husbands’ part. They have history, they have invested years in learning each other’s ways, growing together, possibly building a family. They have invested their lives in each other. God is grieved when a man casts aside this relationship to marry another woman. It is possible for a man to cast aside his wife without divorcing her. All he has to do, to bring about the same results that grieve God, is to be insensitive to his first wife’s need and emotional state when he considers plural marriage. God is not opposed to a man marrying additional wives as long as he will and is able to maintain the relationship with his first wife. God has entrusted her to her husband’s care and protection and considers the husbands care of his wife as his greatest act of faithfulness.

MOTIVES FOR MARRIAGE
When I was first exposed to the concept of Biblical Polygyny, I followed the normal course of action as most Christians do. I attempted to disprove the idea as cultic or carnal at the least and highly immoral and lustful adultery at the worst. Asking a friend, “why would a Christian man want to marry a second wife?” I received the following, simple reply. “Why would he want a first wife?” Thank you, Don Milton for such a simple, but pointed clarity. I maintain that any man worthy of a good wife, will be motivated by the following reasons, regardless if it is a first marriage or plural.

1. The most important motive is love. He has come to love the lady and desires to be her husband.

2. The second motive is compassion. He sees her need of a husband and desires to husband her and love her. This would include the levirate marriage, the kinsman/redeemer.



Any other motive, in my opinion, is suspect and should be carefully examined for sincerity and genuineness. By God’s design, marriage is a lifetime commitment and should never be entered into lightly.

MARRIAGE PORTRAYS CHRIST AND HIS CHURCH
The husband’s love and care for his wife, whether there are one or three, is the picture that God gave us of the relationship between Christ and His church. We read Ephesians 5, “This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.” The context, verses 22-33 give us the most concise description in the Bible of the marriage relationship. Other passages have complimentary information or examples of how it works, but this describes the responsibility of each party in the marriage. The husband’s responsibility (or opportunity) is to play the part of Christ in the marriage. This is an honorable role that not every man is willing to play. Each man is capable, but not qualified to take the responsibility of a family. It is difficult, because to do it right, selflessness must be employed. Genuine love must be the true motive and reward for his part. As Jesus loved the church and gave himself for it, so ought the husband make each wife the object of his affection as well as the recipient of his loyalty and protection. He will demonstrate Christ by:

1. Being a lover, by loving God first, that he may love his family well, as Jesus loved the Father first.

2. Loving unselfishly, giving preference to the wife as the object of his love, not to things; wealth, possessions or experiences, as Jesus loves people above all the rest of His creation.

3. Loving faithfully, all his life, as Jesus said, “I will never leave you or forsake you”. The husband will love interminably as Jesus does eternally. The wife should have no fear of being forsaken by her husband.

4. Loving freely, without limitation as Jesus loves and accepts all that come to Him. The husband will have the potential of loving, without limitation every wife that God brings under his care and affection.


Playing the role of Jesus in the marriage relationship enables the husband to aid the first wife in overcoming the First Wife Syndrome, which burdens her with fear and uncertainty. She will know that she is loved as much or more than ever, is not losing anything, but may be gaining a best friend and a greater security. This knowledge and assurance enables her to have a different mindset, freeing her to trust, honor, respect and support her husband, as the people of God are to respond to Christ. She will understand that, by supporting her husband in his effort to extend the love that God has placed in his heart to other godly ladies, she is expanding her own loving embrace to encompass a sister in Christ. This loving experience enriches the life and love of each lady as they each submit themselves to the loving, faithful leadership of the husband. This completes the casting of characters in the “Marriage Performance” with the wife playing the role of the church in relationship with Christ.

"TO BE OR NOT TO BE, THAT IS THE QUESTION"

Perhaps the most difficult part of dealing with the “FWS” is stepping out into unfamiliar territory to embrace this truth. Accepting the truth of God’s teaching about marriage, acknowledging this newly understood reality is probably the most difficult step a man or woman of God will ever take. This must be a step of faith in God and His Word and a step of submission to His Lordship in our lives.

Much grief may be experienced if both the husband and wife are not onboard with the truth. The husband must be patient and loving. The wife must be gentle, trusting and following her husband’s leadership. Both parties must love God with all their heart, soul, might and mind. If “George” charges forward, seeking, courting and planning for an additional wife, without consideration for “Sadie” and her probable “FWS”, he is not loving her as Christ loves the church. If “Sadie” is unwilling to follow her husbands leadership, seek God in His Word, search the scriptures, seek her husbands understanding or see and honor his loving commitment to her and God and resists revealed truth, she is not responding to God or her husband as the church responds to Christ.

OH, WHAT TO DO?
When “Sadie” is unable or unwilling to deal effectively with the “FWS”, what is “George” to do? His marriage may easily end in disaster if he does not act properly. His first effort should be self-examination, to determine if his own behavior is loving and Christ-like as well as being certain that he is moving in the will of God and not his own excitement. He should then ascertain whether “Sadie” is not clear on the truth or if she is being stubborn and self-willed against God. If he is sure of his motive and faithfulness, he will seek “Sadie’s” prayers and aid in following God’s plan, showing by precept and practice that he is endeavoring to follow Him. When “Sadie” is involved she will love and follow “George”, even to loving and embracing those her husband loves, enabling a larger, loving family.  If “Sadie” is being self-willed and selfish, then “George” must count the cost of following his heart and the Lord. He may well find himself in the same position as Peter and John, appearing before the Sanhedrin. “But Peter and John answered and said unto them, Whether it be right in the sight of God to hearken unto you more than unto God, judge ye. For we cannot but speak the things which we have seen and heard.” Acts 4:19-20. Difficult decisions demand earnest prayer, searching the Word and the soul.

The First Wife Syndrome is real. Any woman struggling with it deserves the love and compassion of her husband. She has position and history that must be considered. On another facet of the issue, a second wife must also recognize the reality of the first wife’s history. There will always be a part of her husbands’ heart that must belong to her alone, for she is the wife of his youth and of his covenant. This need not be a source of contention as long as there is understanding and love for all the family.



“George” and “Sadie” are the names of my maternal great grandparents. Their names were borrowed without their permission for the sake of clarity in the text.

This is posted first on, http://newlookatmarriage.blogspot.com/ and is available for reproduction as long as the authorship is credited and the source is given.





John Whitten December 10, 2009

Enlightened New Look

One of the greatest discoveries that I have made in taking a New Look At Marriage is the capacity for love that God has given to men. We have all heard for a long time about the wonderful qualities of a woman's love for others, family, friends and even needy strangers. Men, however, are usually left on the sidelines as insensitive, hardened characters whose lives need to be blessed by the loving influence of some gracious, sacrificing women that comes to save them from their isolation. Most of us men have bought into that scenario, projected by our culture and the media.

God, who is LOVE, created us in HIS own image, therefore both men and women have a great capacity for love. Men, in particular are created by God with the desire to love, protect, lead and provide for women. Our religious culture has put a limitation of one love only on that divine impulse, a limitation that is not found anywhere in the Bible. Men are then frustrated in their honest and upright desire and ability to love more than one woman at a time, by the lie, that it is a sinful and immoral impulse. My discovery of this lie and the subsequent realization that my innate capacity to morally and righteously love is a gift from God, to be embraced and exercised as God leads, is the most liberating truth I have experienced since I learned to trust Christ Jesus as Savior.

PATRIARCHAL PATTERN

I believe that we cannot clearly understand God's plan for mankind except in the framework of patriarchy. Everything that we need to know and can understand about our relationship with our Lord is designed to be taught in the patriarchal family. Matriarchy and or patri/matriarchal combos cannot display the relationships in the home that teach God's plan for life, temporal and eternal. Husband/father operates as God in the human family, while the wife functions as christians. My thought is that the children are the mission field, to be won to faith by parental example.

PATRIARCHAL PERMISSION

Here's an observation and I invite responses. Patriarchy cannot flourish without the acceptance of the legitimacy of polygyny. Polygyny need not be practiced for a man to be a patriarch, but the possibility of plural marriage must be allowed for a man to truly be a patriarch. If a man's wife has the authority to forbid him marrying an additional wife, then he is not yet a functioning patriarch. A godly husband will take his wife's advice, desires and feelings into consideration, but he must answer to God's authority only.

Biblical polygyny cannot function correctly without patriarchy. Polygyny, as it is portrayed in the Bible is so much more than physical desire or even love. It may involve both of these but also includes at a higher level of importance, honor, responsibility, compassion and godliness. The character of a man is extremely important in both polygyny and patriarchy. In my opinion, our nations emphasis on birth control is un-Biblical. Large families are in keeping with God's program. Also, I believe, no woman should have to raise children by herself. No man or woman should have to live out their lives alone unless they so choose. Biblical polygyny is the answer to these situations. I am not promoting civil disobedience, but simply telling what the Bible says. Try as I might, I can find no other workable solution to these problems of loss of progeny, single parents and loneliness for Christian people than Biblical polygyny. The only alternative is being unequally yoked together with unbelievers, which is unacceptable to godliness.

HUSBAND MATERIAL

The main concern at hand is what kind of man should a Godly woman seek for a husband. Close on the heels of that issue is where will she find a supply of such men from which to select. I will try to present this from what I perceive to be a woman’s perspective and hope that any ladies reading this will let me know if I’m accurate or even close.

The first issue most women have is the desire to marry a man, not a boy or an adult male that isn’t confident in his own skin. I think this is the reason otherwise sensible women fall for the “bad boys”. God designed women to respond to confidence and authority and even though there is much negative about the “bad boys” their confidence and authority is appealing to many women. For a male to qualify as part of the inventory of husband material he must be or be well on the way to becoming a man in all that is implied in that name. The first requisite is that he is responsible. Irresponsibility is the mark of immaturity, not manhood.

1. Husband material will be a man responsible for his own actions, who owns up to the consequences without blaming others. A Godly woman looking for a husband wants and should be able to find a man she can lean on and trust to take care of and protect her. Since God gave women the responsibility of being helpers, supporters, followers and cheerleaders, it necessarily follows that the man considered as husband material must be capable of that kind of support and loyalty.
2. God established the husband as the spiritual leader and priest of the family; therefore he is responsible to God for his own and his wife’s spiritual instruction and compliance. He has the obligation to act in the place of God in his home and marriage, setting the example and direction of life as God’s man on the scene. He is not to act on his own whims and pleasures but to teach by precept and practice the truth’s of God’s Word, thereby establishing God as the final authority in all things. He will not shirk this responsibility, forcing his wife to make the effort of leadership.
3. Contrary to contemporary teaching a man who will be husband material for a Godly woman will be a man who is not dependant upon his wife for his sense of value and worthiness. He will find his lifeline in his relationship with our Lord, if he looks anywhere else he will be unable to act in the place of God in his family. Sometimes loneliness on the human plane is the price to pay for leadership, but we cannot allow our spouse or children’s attitudes or feelings about us serve as the criteria for our actions or sense of worth. We are God’s men; no one else has that claim upon us, no one. I am aware of the Biblical text that says the two shall be one. The text is dealing with physical union and family relationships, not spiritual oneness. That is a topic we will deal with later.
4. A man who is husband material is a man with a purpose for living; he is serving God in some kind of personal ministry in which he is endeavoring to be faithful. He may, hopefully, have a dream that can be shared by his wife and family.
5. Any man worthy of being husband material must be a man cultivating Godly character, behavior, attitudes and goals. He should reflect God’s nature even though he is a man.

Taking on the responsibility of a wife is no small or insignificant action. It is not easy to be a good husband. Not everyone should marry. If we cannot take the responsibility seriously, it is better to not start on that path.
“Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD”, Proverbs 18:22
“Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge”, Hebrews 13:4
Some folks, men and women alike, think that these verses imply that everyone should marry. That is not the case. The same logic applied to another case shows the fallacy of that thought. There is a shortage of jet pilots; since most pilots are men and the need is there then every man should be a pilot. Please leave me off that plane. There is more to being a husband than being a male. We use the term husbandry to describe farming or plant nurturing; animal husbandry is the course description at many agricultural colleges to describe training in animal care, nurturing and raising. To be a husband is to be one who cares for, nurtures his family and provides and protects them. Not easy or simple. Again contrary to our society, being a husband is not a task that should be taken on by young and inexperienced men. Marrying at 18, 19, or 20 is entering into a great responsibility unprepared. Thank God that so many marriages have succeeded thus far. It is far better for a woman to marry a man somewhat older than herself, a man that has established himself in the world, than to marry some one who has not yet honed his leadership skills or found his place in the world. It is better for a man to wait until he has entered into a trade or a profession and has begun to establish his ability to provide for a wife, before he marries.

If a wife is to “submit herself unto her own husband as unto the Lord”, (Ephesians 5) then he should treat her as the Lord treats her. If a wife is to be”help” for her husband (Genesis 2:18), then he must be doing something that he needs help with. If a wife is to call her husband “lord” (I Peter 3:6), then he needs to act with confidence and authority.

I am persuaded that most if not all Godly women want to be a wife to such a man. Women have gotten a bum wrap for wanting to change their husband after they marry, but I believe they wouldn’t if they had good husband material to start with.

Where can such men be found? That is the next topic.

WHEN A WIFE BECOMES A MOTHER

When a girl is born, she is the light of her Daddies eye. She can do no wrong that he cannot excuse or make better. She is one of the most important people in the world to him.

When a girl becomes a woman she is the finest of God’s creation. She has matured to become the best example of humanity. No longer Daddy’s little girl, but a complete person, now her Heavenly Father’s little girl with a growing dependant relationship with Him.

When a woman becomes a wife she enters into Gods purpose for her created life. She is entering into the great task for which she is perfectly designed, created and assigned. To be a helper, aide and cheerleader for the man that her Father has brought into her life is the greatest purpose and achievement that may be obtained. To elevate her husband and aide him in his God given ministry and purpose in life, is her calling from above.

When a wife becomes a mother, her husband and head gains a family or loses a wife and finds he’s married to a mother instead of a wife. If she places motherhood above marriage, she has left her first calling and purpose for a secondary purpose, noble and wonderful as it is. There can only be one first place. Mother or wife, which role is God’s calling for life?

Back to Slavery (unfinished business)

Anon, "So am I to understand that slavery should be accepted as polygamy should be accepted today? After all slavery was not condemned in the bible, and just like the many men of God that had multiple wives, also had slaves. Slavery/Polygamy tradition or Truth?"

I have been told by the anonymous commenter that my previous response was not answered clearly and that I was perceived as "beating around the bush". Let me try again. Slavery and marriage are both greatly misunderstood in our society and both have often been linked as twin evils. They are, however, neither twins nor evil in themselves. It is our limited knowledge of God and His Word that is causing the consternation.

God's Word does approve of slavery and the marriage of men with additional wives and no amount of cultural observation can add to or take away from what He says. Our greatest difficulty arises when we try to impose modern western values, which are unstable at best to the unchangeable Word of God. He doesn't change, nor do His values. There are at least three distinct types of slavery referred to in the Bible, only one is desirable from the slaves position.

Under the Torah, when one is a prisoner of war he or she has been spared as a slave for life. A woman captured, may also become a wife to her captor, with full stature as a Hebrew wife. Men are slaves for life with little or no rights or protections, such is the fate of war. In the NT, under the Roman system, entire conquered nations are slaves to the emperor and individuals are slaves to particular masters. In both situations there is hope of adoption into Roman society or the possibility of somehow purchasing one's own freedom. The third type of slavery revealed in the Word is that of the bond-servant. In this arrangement one may be sold into servitude by parents or one may sell themselves for money or to settle a debt. This type of slavery is approved and regulated by God in the Torah. This slave has few rights and is the exclusive property of the master. He does have hope of redemption and or release at the sabbatical year. This type of slave is the one compared to the servants of God in the NT. This slavery is good and acceptable to God.

The prisoner of war and the roman style slavery is not condoned by God, but is recognized as a real state of affairs for the believer. It does not, however, transcend the liberty we have in Christ. That liberty is possible even though one is a slave in disagreeable circumstances.

The bond-servant slave is much like a person that signs an employment contract that is legally binding. While the analogy is not complete, it does give us a feel for acceptable slavery. One of my ancestors was an indentured servant. This was her way of paying for her passage to America in the late 1700's.

Whether or not our point of view supports what the Bible teaches, the Bible is always right and true and His Word always trumps human opinion. The same may be said for the Bible truth of marriage. Marriage according to God is always the relationship of one man and one woman. The same man may also have the same relationship, simultaneously with an additional wife and still be legitimate in each. God does not approve, promote or condone group marriage. What God says , He means and what He approves is always acceptable to Him, whether we like it or not. He will not change to meet our expectations. We should change to meet His.

Random thoughts and questions

My mind often scatters like fall leaves blowing in the wind. These thoughts and questions are one of those scatterings. I invite your responses and insights.

1. Can a single Christian man or woman THRIVE, emotionally, socially or spiritually in todays American society??
2. Is the opposition to the FLDS polygynist lifestyle appropriate when compared to the accepted and tolerated loose living lifestyle of moderate "Christians"?
3. Is feminism the result of evolutionary thinking or does it have a Biblical basis?
4. Thought: A man, whose wife has the power (ability, right) to permit or forbid his taking on the responsibility of an additional wife, is not operating in Biblical patriarchal authority.

Sarah Palin - VP or Possible Prez

Sarah Palin is a fresh breeze blowing over the political meadow. While I admire her many accomplishments and many of her views, I cannot endorse her for office, on the grounds of principle. As one who believes strongly in patriarchy as God's standard for society, I cannot elect a matriarch to what may amount to be the highest office of our country. While she may be an admirable person, she is a matriarch none the less. How can she function as wife and mother and still function as governor or VP or possibly as president? If she isn't then we must investigate the views of her husband, because he would be the power behind the "throne". I am not diminishing Mrs. Palin or her ability. I am however, lamenting that there isn't a patriarch in America that could step up to the plate and do an equal job. This lack of real men is the downfall and destruction of our country.

Move out!

In my opinion (does that exempt me from being thought of as a know-it-all ?), one of the major problems affecting marriage today is the concept of "oneness" between husbnand and wife. Among my recent discoveries, I noticed that many marriages suffer a lack of satisfaction because of unrealistic expectations of what it means to be one with your spouse or spouses. Many of us have been taught to expect that when we marry, our relationship with our spouse will take on a magical or spiritual essense (like in the movies)where we unite on a level of "oneness" that excludes everyone else and in "oneness" we will eventually find wedded bliss. It sounds real good, only one problem, it isn't true!! The kind of "oneness" that is being sought can only be attained over a period of many years together. For many spouses, it is never attained. For them and all others in the intervening years between starting out and finally surviving to old age together (assuming you make it) what really happens? After the passion of youthful vitality wanes and the bloom of romance fades into daily reality, what we are left with is the stuff that lasting relationships are made of, love, committment, compromise, patience, making mistakes, learning from mistakes, forgiveness, etc. These are the things that make a marriage successful. They have made arranged marriages work and polygynous marriages work over thousands of years and they are essential to the ever popular monogamous marriages as well.

Where does the concept of oneness come in? From Genesis 2:24 "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh." We are not certain if these were specifically the words of the Creator, of Adam or later Moses. I suspect, God through Moses, but nevertheless it says "one flesh" not one spirit or one person or any other level of "oneness". Some conservative scholars tell us that the "oneness" mentioned is sexual oneness, copulation. While that may well apply, I think there is a more obvious answer that has long been over looked by spiritualizing God's Word. Look at the context, "leave father and mother and cleave unto his wife = one flesh, the establishing of a new family unit. There are reasons bird parents push their young out of the nest. Our generation of people are missing that. When a young man and woman marry, they should move out of the parental home and take on the responsibility of their own home and family unit.

In this diagram, I hope to show how our concept of oneness has robbed people of their unique identity and damaged their relationship with God.

In section "A" the double lines show relationship, responsibility and desire to please our spouses as the primary function in our relationship and the red broken lines show a secondary relationship to God that doesn't have the priority and strength that the first do, leaving God in the perimeter of our lives as an emergency source of help.

In section "B" we see the double lines show relationship to God as being the chief priority, trusting, pleasing and finding our source of strength and purpose in Him. The single line between spouses indicates a level of relationship that does not depend upon the spouse for our happiness, thereby relieving them of the awesome responsibility to be what we need. Spouse is then freed to be who and what he/she is and we can then appreciate them for their reality rather than the role of our emotional supporter. Each can contribute to the relationship, characteristics and commodities that make for a lasting relationship without draining the resources of the other. No spouse can make us happy when we are not happy with God and ourselves. There is no degree of mystical, romantic "oneness" that can make it happen. Because of this, I believe most marriages that fail have arrived at the tragedy of broken hearts.

Polygamy and Patriarchy

I designed this chart to illustrate how the culture that God designed for His people will dictate the acceptable styles of marriage that will work in that culture. Conversely, the styles of marriage that are acceptable in our current culture will reveal whether we are operating according to His design. While you may not be aware at this time, I do support the civil right of responsible, mature adults to practice any style of marriage acceptable between God and themselves, I will limit my discussion to the styles and cultures represented on this chart.

This is how Polygamy fits into a New Look At Marriage. God designed marriage, with specific guidelines and He designed a culture, with specific structure.

Any culture that does not allow the style of marriage acceptable to God as shown by His acceptance (without rebuke) of OT saints is not the culture designed by God.

Any style of marriage that doesn't fit the culture designed by God and implemented by His OT saints is not an acceptable style of marriage to God.

Without listing a long file of references, let me conclude this way (I welcome your comments), God designed a patriarchal culture with established leadership. The only styles of marriage that fits this culture is polygamy (by choice) and monogamy (by choice). Monogamy only does not fit the culture designed by God. For our society, civil or ecclesiastical, to promote a style of marriage that is not acceptable to God shows that we have deviated from His plan. If we have deviated there, where else may we be off base?

Are we slaves today?

Anon, "So am I to understand that slavery should be accepted as polgamy should be accepted today? After all slavery was not condemnd in the bible, and just like the many men of God that had multiple wives, also had slaves. Slavery/Polgamy tradition or Truth?"
June 23, 2008 8:52 PM

Thanks for the question! That is a good observation. Both polygamy and slavery were political issues in the U.S.A. during the mid 1800's. Both were linked as evils by politicians to further their careers, much like politicians do today. Slavery was primarily directed toward southern farmers and polygamy was primarily directed toward the LDS church. The civil war was the result of the tirade on slavery and the LDS repealed their position on polygamy, with statehood for Utah as the result. People benefited in both cases. However, as you point out polygamy and slavery were both practiced by Godly men in the Bible. Do we also see that both were practiced by ungodly men and heathen as well?

Both polygamy and slavery, as allowed and regulated by God were much different than what resides in the consciousness of today's western world. We tend to think of both of these cases as being against the will of the individual. That is not the case in the Biblical, blessed sense. To properly understand what The Bible says about these issues, we must think outside our little boxes of smug convenience. Keep the character of God in view as we look into this matter at a future time.

When I grow up ....

I have received verbal reports that some folks understand from my post "Patriarchy" that I am wanting to be treated as God or that I think I am God. While I understand that some of you may think that such ideas qualify me as certifiably insane, those are not the ideas that I mean to convey. Rather, I mean to show that relationships in the human realm are to be patterned after the Divine/human relationships. "Christian" essentially means to be like Christ and Godly means to be God like. This is my point, we are to be like God in our person, affections and relations as much as we are enabled in our level of spiritual maturity. We are never more like Him, whose Word says God is Love, than when we love freely, honestly, unconditionally and unselfishly. We are seldom less like God than when we are bitter, selfish and hateful.

I want to grow up and be like my Lord, I know I have a long, long way to go, but I am in and on the way. Who do you want to be like?

Guest Post

John and all that will read this... It saddens me that you have to monitor the comments that are being sent in. I for one would very much like to see a healthy debate on this subject as well as any Biblical subject. Iron does sharpen iron, however it is iron that sharpens iron........not thoughts or beliefs but actual facts can and will persuade people to see the truth. While I personally agree that polygany IS Biblically acceptable as covered in GOD'S word, I will also rapidly state that even though it is acceptable Biblically it is against the laws of the United States of America now GOD'S word also states that we are to be subject to the authorities that are placed over us, therefore we cannot practice polygany. I would very much like to see those that are opposed to this concept of polygany try to give a BIBLICAL reason for their stance. Go talk to your Pastors, your deacons, your elders, frankly I do not care where you get the information just give some BIBLICAL reasons for your beliefs. Paul in Acts 17 commends the believers in Berea for their willingness to check up on him by studying the SCRIPTURES. Keep in mind that this is the person that is responsible for writing somewhere around half of what we today call the New Testament !! Give me something to research that will change my mind, Don't resort to ugly character assassinations that in and of itself is a sin (slander, gossiping, tale bearers). This blog has the capability of being read by many many people, it is perfectly okay if you do not agree, but if you chose to write a comment opposing what the author has put forth then you should feel compelled to give a solid reason. Just because it is foreign to what you have always believed does not make it wrong anymore than saying we should embrace change just for the sake of change. It has been almost two thousand years since the Christian Church has begun, there are a tremendous amount of things being taught today that are completely and totally contrary to what GOD has dictated for us, yet we stubbornly continue to practice our traditions rather than what HE has instructed us to do. I apologize for being so long, but I do not apologize for anything that I have written. If anything that I have written seems to you to be incorrect then now is your chance to correct me, I hope that John will post this and I sincerely hope that any objectors will write back, but remember I need BIBLICAL reasons to change my mind as I feel I have BIBLICAL reasons for why I believe as I do. For the record I am not a Later Day Saint nor have I ever been, I do attend a BIBLE believing Baptist church. I await any and all comments.....Michael D.

Patriarchy

Patriarchy is a family structure originated by God for the purposes of building a well-founded, happy, productive and safe family environment, as well as a means of portraying God’s intended relationship with mankind. Everything that may be known of our relationship with God is to be demonstrated in the patriarchal family structure.

Please forget every image you may have of a patriarch for a few moments and envision instead, God. See Him as the righteous, gracious, loving, patient, creative and powerful person that He is. Now place that image over the name husband/father. Our Lord has done this Himself, He has identified Himself at various times as both husband and father to Israel and to all believers in the N.T. His standards for paternal behavior and responsibilities are patterned after His own character and behavior. The images we have of patriarchs as austere, unforgiving, demanding, cold and uncaring are not from the Bible, but from bad works of art and from several tyrannical cults. It is God's purpose that the family relationship points people to our loving, gracious Lord.

I believe this is a topic of enormous importance, yet I cannot deal with it in its entirity in one or two posts. For now let me give you an overview of marriage, family, God , people relationship.

In Ephesians 5, Paul, the servant of God writes what the Lord has given him. Here he describes the roles of men and women in the marriage relationship and in verses 32-33, he makes the parallel relationship to Christ and the church, Eph 5:32-33 This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.

Simply put, what Christ is to the church, the husband is to be to his wife and family. How did Jesus treat His people while He was on earth and since He has ascended back to heaven? How, righteously, graciously, lovingly, patiently and mercifully.

What the church to Christ relationship is what the relationship of the wife and children to the husband should be. Hence, husbands should love with a Godly, giving, self-sacrificing, unselfish love and wives should reverence their husbands in the same way they reverence God. In this relationship, children will learn how to serve God rightly. In the family relationship, the husband wields the authority which God gave him, he must be very careful how he uses it. He will answer to God for how he treats his responsibility to his family. The wife has the responsibility to revere her husband and willingly yield to his authority and leadership. Her job is to serve him, be his cheerleader and give him the same praise, trust, respect and support that she would give to God. No man or woman is perfect and without faults, but still this principle works. I can hear it now, "you don't know my husband/wife". Right, you are! God gives us remedys for such extreme problems such as some people have. Many of us have been taught that divorce is Biblically wrong in any situation, that is not true. Separation and divorce are two remedys to extreme and unbearable marriages. These are for extremes only, the problem is that most people quit too easily. It takes work for a marriage to be a success.

When we supplant the husbands authority and leadership with the wife's authority and leadership we thwart the plan of God to display His relationship to people. I am not anti-women, I greatly enjoy the company of women, who enjoy being women and manifest a Godly spirit. Being around them and hearing their insights from their unique (to guys) vantage point is a blessing from God. It is getting late and I do not see a good stopping point, so I will create one right here (.). More later.

Ooops, Misunderstood?

I hope that I am being misunderstood by some of the readers of this blog. I would hate to think that anyone would be so naive to believe that because I support the right of people to engage in polygamy, that I am planning to do so myself. I support the right of people to jump out of airplanes, but I assure you, I have no intension of doing so myself.

Polygamy is the pivot around which something more significant to me turns. That is Patriarchy, a Biblical base for family relations that is as misunderstood as polygamy. These two fit together like a hand and glove.

My illustration about fathers learning to share moms was certainly misunderstood. No, babies do not feel jealousy immediately, but they develop it rather quickly. The little rascals display all the characteristics of a human being much sooner than our idealists would like to think. Yes, fathers do have to deal with the emotions of being left out of the mother/child bond. Some times they have to take steps to insure that mom doesn't forget who helped produce that sweet thing. Commentator, please don't get so bent out of shape, it makes me feel we have hit a nerve somewhere.

On My Soap Box

A recent comment, "In reading your blog and comments, it needs to be said that women want love and loyalty, just to them, not to more than one woman in a relationship. Think about this- in the OT and NT times, men took multiple wives. Women were property, traded and bartered, and times are different now. In a society where women have the same rights as men, would you feel comfortable having your wife love more than just you, knowing that the emotion and compassion she feels for you was shared with others? Perhaps men that are more of a "bad boy" than you? It is not fair or righteous for you to subject your wife to that kind of competition. You can analyze the roles all you want, but man, you are on the wrong track."

While I appreciate the well written comment, I must point out the overly broad and unsupported assumption about status of women in Bible times. Women were never considered a commodity for market. The law of God that regulated marriage and relationships and even property and inheritance were not restrictive toward women, but were in fact designed to protect the health, welfare and happiness of women. The world was not the cultivated place we know today. Life was hard, women were not physically strong enough to compete alone in the stringent labors that were necessary to survive and prosper. Yes, they worked hard and long, but so did the men. Both of them with out the benefit of electricity and machinery as we know it today. Technology has greatly leveled the playing field between men and women in today's world, making it possible for each gender to compete in a broader field of labors.

In regard to times being different, well, have you heard that the more things change, the more they stay the same? Yes, the world is different, but human nature has not changed one iota since the beginning of time. The majority of people that marry today, still want the same things from their marriages that we have always wanted, love, acceptance, belonging, peace, security, excitement, sex, family, identity and others. However, in our rapidly changing world, instead of improving on the quality of the marriage relationship our culture is decimating the institution. The high divorce rate, the growing number of people who decide to live together without lifelong commitment, the drug and alcohol abuse by married people all tells this blogger that as a people we are not getting it right! Because of this I look to the Bible as my guide, to tell me how the creator of marriage said it should be. If you want to succeed, read the instruction manual (never thought you'd hear a guy say that!). Bottom line, if you want a solid marriage that works, do it the Bible way. Patriarchy is the Bible way, feminism is the modern worldly way. I will define those two terms in another post.

Also, any father knows what it is like to have his wife love another as much or more than him. Isn't that baby precious, how could you and why would you want to compete? There is enough love to go around, isn't there mom. Commentor, why do you assume that love is measured in limited quantities? Do you not understand that love is an inexhaustible well, the more you give, the more you have to give. One never loses by loving. Loving diversely is commanded and blessed by God. The references are too numerable to list.

For a woman to insist on love and loyalty to her only is selfishness at its worst. In a world where fewer men qualify as good husbands, to not share that blessing with her sisters is disgraceful to the very principle of love.

Why do I feel like I've been on a soap box?

Manly Men

Let me describe manliness as I see it revealed in the Bible.

1. Manliness is not perfection. Some of God's greatest men were men who made the greatest mistakes.



2. Manliness is not equated with size or brawniness, very few of God's men are described with physical characteristics. It doesn't matter how often you shave, either. It is not about machisimo.



3. Manliness is about heart and character.



4. It is being faithful to God, family, church, self and your personal calling.



5. It is being responsible for your actions, behavior and dependents. It is about not whining or quiting.



6. It is about facing adversity and growing closer to God.



7. It is about believing God when no one else around you does.



8. It is about compassion for those around you, particularly those who are weak or helpless.



9. It is about love, for God and love for people.
10. It is about the inner man. Inner strength, inner peace, inner confidence and contentment.



11. Manliness is a male role, but not the same as maleness. A guy may be male, but not manly, however one can not be manly without being male.

I fear that we have confused the issue between male and manly. Two places in the Bible is the phrase "quit you like men" used. First by a Philistine officer, when his troops were loosing a battle (they rallied and won). Second, when Paul told the Corinthian Christians to behave as men. The world equates Christianity with weakness. God desires and honors manly Christian men and no, its not about football or beer either.

Aren't you tired of the way the entertainment world portrays men? Let's rise up and take our world back!

A Discovery

I have discovered that writing my own blog is much more difficult than I first thought. That is quite a confession for a guy that has an opinion on just about anything. I find it easier to comment on someone else's blog than to initiate my own topics. Perhaps this is like high school, where I took physics and algebra at the same time. The trouble was, the math I needed for physics came 3 weeks later in algebra than when I needed it in physics. The comparison works like this, I am such a novice to internet operations and blogging in particular that I am having trouble with composing and learning formatting at the same time. This slows me down. Today I learned how to display links to other sites. I feel so accomplished!

Another problem that has plagued me is my own sense of order. I want one post to be followed in sequence by another and another in a logical flow. This would create a large body of information that tells my whole story. The problem with that is that it requires a lot more planning and time than I have to devote to it. Plus, it is contrary to the nature of blogging as I have discovered by reading many others.

From now on, it is my goal to write more often and allow each post to stand by itself. When I get the time and motivation, I will assemble all these little pearls from the blog and put them where they belong, in a web site or a book.

I appreciate all the comments that I have received. I will resist the temptation to answer each one and prove my point when there is disagreement. Why?, because I doubt my ability to convince someone of my opinion and it is contrary to the purpose of this blog. Rather, I will answer a few as the muse dictates and allow all the comments to guide me to points of interest for future posts. Also, don't tell anyone or I will deny it, the point of view of others does stimulate my mind to further learning. Shsssss.