Years ago, when my wife was reading Harlequin romance novels, I read a few to see what the appeal was. I found out, fantasy! After reading a few, it was apparent that there was little deviation in the characters, settings changed, but the characters were fairly consistent. The male hero is a man in his late 20's - 40's. He is an individualist, handsome to ruggedly handsome, with a charming smile. Usually he owns property, has had his heart broken by another woman some time in the not too distant past. Above all, his most enduring trait is wealth, which translates to evident power of some kind or other. These are extremely popular pieces of fiction. Women like these characters and dream of them, but settle for realism.
Sometime ago I took an unofficial poll. I asked at least a dozen men and women the same question. "Many women and girls appear to be attracted to the Bad Boys, what is the attraction?" Most of the answers fell into the expected catagories, she can save him, rebellion against parents, etc. The answer that I believe is the most accurate is "It's the sex, if anyone tells you anything different, she is lying". I think my friend was being honest and what I believe she meant by that is that no matter what the Bad Boys are or are not, they are confident in their maleness. They exude a sensual sexuality that most women find attractive. Women are supposed to be attracted to maleness, just as men are attracted to femaleness; we are created that way. Our culture has essentially emasculated the image of manhood. Boys are not encouraged to behave as boys when they are little.
Most women today (some secretly) desire men that are masculine in their attitudes. He looks like responsibility, leadership, a measure of success, glad he is a man, and secure in who he is. He will take charge, but still be concerned for her welfare. He will stand up for what he believes and fight to protect what he is responsible for. He is not usually a good candidate to accept female leadership and will respect integrity, strength and courage.
My opinion, for what it's worth. Am I wrong?
5 comments:
Interesting. What attracts me to a man is definately his masculinity. But to me, "masculine" is synonymous with "confident". However, I think that you may want to research this thought, the idea that what some women are really looking for in a man, is for him to bring something to the relationship that they cannot alone. I think this really applies to men in their search for a partner, as well.
You seem to be heading in a good direction, then state..."He is not usually a good candidate to accept female leadership and will respect integrity, strength and courage."
Here your initial presentation of masculinity seems to cross over to chauvinism. It may be your phrasing, but it could almost appear as though a female would not posess respect, integrity, strength and courage.
This type of attitude is what makes a man less masculine. A truly secure and confident man does not need to worry about the gender of the leader, but of the qualities which the leader posesses.
A truly masculine man does not have the need to lead by putting others beneath him. He is not a leader because he is stronger, wiser, a provider, or even confident. A truly masculine man is a leader only when people CHOOSE to follow him.
A masculine man that women are attraced to doesn't try to be anything. He just is, without even knowing it.
I don't agree with the last part of the previous comment. Real men find it always hard to accept female leadership. This is only natural because the natural functions of men are to lead and of women – to follow.
A truly masculine man is able to make people follow him. Hi does not just wait for them to choose to do it.
I am not exactly sure what "chauvinism" is meant to mean – too often real masculinity is labelled so.
I cannot agree with the statement that "a truly masculine man is a leader only when people choose to follow him."
Does masculinity really have anything to do with who is the designated leader? I must follow the teaching of the scriptures. God made man first and therefore the responsibility of leadership goes there too. And yes women can and do possess leadership traits, but to take on the role of leader and that responsibility, I can't go along with.nih
godless chatter.
Hmmm this poses a very interesting question. And if we women were not a walking contradiciton the answer might be simple. Am I attracted to a man who is assertive and confident, yes. Am I physically attracted to those that exude that sensual sexuality, yes absolutely. Am I attracted by power and wealth? No actually. I can honestly say that I prefer a rugged man who gets his hands dirty for a living. As long as there is enough income to live a modest life on, I am happy. A man who puts on a suit and tie for a living is a huge turn off for me. But then again I am a country girl.
Does my husband exude sexual confidence? No. Is my husband assertive? Rarely. But I am able to overlook those things he is lacking because of the other wonderful qualities he posesses. And as an assertive woman, who often steps into the leadership role in many aspects of my life, I appreciate that he can let be me. I don't think he is in the least bit emasculated for it. Do I wish he would sometimes take more of a firm stand on issues within our household and assert himself more aggressively? Yes!
See...a walking contradiction! Sometimes I feel sorry for men...you really can't win! LOL!
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