WIFE MATERIAL

A few weeks ago, I was contemplating taking up the career of a matchmaker. No, not Ohio Blue Tips, but the kind that is much more incendiary. Matching up a man and a woman with the hopes of matrimonial bliss. I have several acquaintances that are single guys and I would like to see them happily married to a wonderful woman.

I have abandoned the career of matchmaker because of the lack of sufficient resources. In speaking to several men over the last few weeks, it seems, in the opinion of most of them, I would certainly fail. The consensus of opinion is that all the available women are s---s, b------s and w----s. All the good ones, are taken, too young or too old. Since I am a curious optimist, investigation was inevitable. The first thing I found was bitterness and ignorance abound (on both sides of the sexual divide). There has been way too much pain and misery to allow clear thinking and good judgment. As a 41 year veteran of matrimony myself, I am self-certified to speak on this issue.

GOOD THING

Men and women equally view potential partners through rose-colored glasses and when the glasses are removed the object of interest is drab in comparison to the rosy image that is hoped for. Simply put, no one measures up to our expectations. The institution of marriage is not lacking, God designed it, and so it must be right. All the women of our society cannot really be as identified above (though some may actually). Every man or even most men cannot seriously be beyond hope as good husbands. Where the fault lies, is in the understanding of what we (men and women) are to be and what marriage is really like. God says in Proverbs 18:22, “Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD.” Being married is a good thing, if done right. If done wrong, it has the potential to be hell on earth. Most marriages fall somewhere in between, OK and “oh hell”, in reality. Few come close to heaven. Don’t forget marriage is a good thing, God should know, He designed it and instituted it. I would like to see how much closer marriages could get to heaven. Here’s the rub, to succeed, we must do it HIS way and most men and women are comfortably ensconced in the myths and fairy tales of romance. This is far removed from God’s Biblical reality. If you are not interested in KNOWING and DOING marriage God’s way, leave now. There is nothing more for you. If you WILL DO HIS WILL, read on.
I agree there aren’t many women available that qualify as good wife material. However, not because of lack in their character, but for most of them it is due to ignorance. They, as have most of our population, been brain washed by our popular culture as to what a wife really is to be. Let’s check with the designer. I know it is against our image to read the instructions, but let’s try it anyway.

LEADERSHIP

Genesis 2:18 “And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.”
Genesis 3:16 “Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.” Before sin became part of human nature, God declared His purpose for creating wives, and nothing has changed that, not even sin. God made the first wife to be a helper to the man, a helper that is compatible with him, but a helper nonetheless. He is the leader; she is the helper, as designed by God. Why do we think we can improve on God’s design? Men are ignorant of leadership and women are ignorant of what it means to be a helper. For this article we will set aside leadership for another time and for greater investigation and focus on helpers. After sin entered, the human relationship is clarified, not changed. As a result of sin she will desire to lead, but leadership remains mans responsibility. It is not about qualification or ability, but design and authority of the designer.

AUTHORITY

Ephesians 5:22-24
“Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the Saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.” Let’s put aside all the romance that has affected us all our lives (can that happen?) and look at what works. God designed much more than marriage and its all been working since the beginning of time. “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it”. Nothing successfully lives with two heads. Everything has a front or back, top or bottom, beginning or end, inside or outside or first and last. Why would we think that marriage wouldn’t have similar parameters? Any marriage must have an authority figure, a head, to function effectively and properly. God gave that responsibility to the husband. Helpers, DO NOT, exercise the authority of the head. Ladies, do not take upon your-self the authority that God gave to men that will be husbands. If you have a husband that is not the leader he should be, DO NOT take the rein of authority, God gave it to him. If you do, you add to the chaos. Lift him up to God in prayer and be what you are to be in Gods design. God will change him, take him off the scene or you leave him till he does change. Please, do not step into his role. He will never change if you do. Ladies, if you are single, do not compromise and “settle” for a man who will expect you to lead, he’s a “Momma’s Boy” and always will be. You desire a man and not a “boy”. You will only be truly happy with and fulfilled by a “man”.

REVERENCE

Ephesians 5:33 “Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she REVERENCE her husband.”
Below is the Greek word translated reverence, as you can see, it is not what our popular culture teaches as the right behavior of a wife.
[phobeo (fob-eh'-o); to frighten, i.e. (passively) to be alarmed; by analogy, to be in awe of, i.e. revere]
But this is the intention of the designer, God. Do you want a designer marriage, here’s how. Do you want a designer husband; look for one that you can reverence. If you treat him like a boy, that’s how he will likely respond, same thing if you reverence him as a man. Reverence is the attitude we are to have toward God and husbands. If you want your man to love you like God loves you, try revering him as you do God, you will like the change you see. Do you criticize God? Do you second-guess His plans? Do you belittle Him to others? Do you devalue His work and ministry? Do you put God second to family, friends and whatever happens to be on TV? How do you serve God? Is He satisfied with it? Not likely, then why should a husband be served any less? “My husband isn’t like God”, I’m sorry, talk to the designer, it is His idea. If you want a designer marriage and spouse, you must do it Gods way, no options!

LOVE

Titus 2:4-5 The aged women also …“That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.”
We have been indoctrinated by our popular culture that marriage is all about love, but it isn’t. Love is not even the best foundation for marriage. Love is an emotion that can ebb and flow like the tide, with the moon or our circumstances. According to Titus 2, young women can be and may be taught to love their husbands. Not “how” to love, but “to” love. This is after the marriage; therefore it is not the foundation. Two issues are more important to a man in marriage than anything else, trust and respect. Trust and respect are more important than love because they are the bedrock characteristics of a husband. A wife may love her husband with all her heart and being, but if she does not shore him up with trust and respect, she emasculates him in the relationship and he cannot and will not be the husband desired. It is impossible for a man to be a leader, if he does not have loyal, faithful, trusting, respectful followers. I know our culture teaches equality of the sexes and equality of the roles in marriage. They are wrong. The designer of marriage, our God and Creator has declared equal value in His sight, but distinctly different roles for men and women. He has repeatedly expressed His displeasure and judgment for those who would alter His Word and purposes. Be a designer wife and have a designer marriage. Become good wife material and God will provide you with a husband you can reverence, trust, respect and love.

WHEN A WIFE BECOMES A MOTHER

When a girl is born, she is the light of her Daddies eye. She can do no wrong that he cannot excuse or make better. She is one of the most important people in the world to him.

When a girl becomes a woman she is the finest of God’s creation. She has matured to become the best example of humanity. No longer Daddy’s little girl, but a complete person, now her Heavenly Father’s little girl with a growing dependant relationship with Him.

When a woman becomes a wife she enters into Gods purpose for her created life. She is entering into the great task for which she is perfectly designed, created and assigned. To be a helper, aide and cheerleader for the man that her Father has brought into her life is the greatest purpose and achievement that may be obtained. To elevate her husband and aide him in his God given ministry and purpose in life, is her calling from above.

When a wife becomes a mother, her husband and head gains a family or loses a wife and finds he’s married to a mother instead of a wife. If she places motherhood above marriage, she has left her first calling and purpose for a secondary purpose, noble and wonderful as it is. There can only be one first place. Mother or wife, which role is God’s calling for life?

Fair Share - MM#2

Arithmetic has caused a lot of problems for married people and I don't mean balancing the checkbook. Somehow the idea has become popular that marriage is a 50/50 arrangement. Each spouse gives half effort and they meet harmoniously in the middle. Unfortunately that doesn't work. Soon there is some sort of inadequacy and then someone starts keeping score. Resentment and bitterness are the result, showing up as anger, tears, distance and more. Eventually isolation becomes the norm and happiness decreases rather than grows.

In God's program as taught in Ephesians 5 each spouse gives 100%. The wife totally yields herself to the authority, protection and leadership of her husband. The husband totally loves his wife as Christ loved the church, without expectation of perfection (just as she is). When each spouse endeavors to give all, the expectations are not as great as the acceptance of the others gift. Consider not asking what you can get from your spouse, but what can I give him/her. There truly is greater joy in giving than receiving.

Back to Slavery (unfinished business)

Anon, "So am I to understand that slavery should be accepted as polygamy should be accepted today? After all slavery was not condemned in the bible, and just like the many men of God that had multiple wives, also had slaves. Slavery/Polygamy tradition or Truth?"

I have been told by the anonymous commenter that my previous response was not answered clearly and that I was perceived as "beating around the bush". Let me try again. Slavery and marriage are both greatly misunderstood in our society and both have often been linked as twin evils. They are, however, neither twins nor evil in themselves. It is our limited knowledge of God and His Word that is causing the consternation.

God's Word does approve of slavery and the marriage of men with additional wives and no amount of cultural observation can add to or take away from what He says. Our greatest difficulty arises when we try to impose modern western values, which are unstable at best to the unchangeable Word of God. He doesn't change, nor do His values. There are at least three distinct types of slavery referred to in the Bible, only one is desirable from the slaves position.

Under the Torah, when one is a prisoner of war he or she has been spared as a slave for life. A woman captured, may also become a wife to her captor, with full stature as a Hebrew wife. Men are slaves for life with little or no rights or protections, such is the fate of war. In the NT, under the Roman system, entire conquered nations are slaves to the emperor and individuals are slaves to particular masters. In both situations there is hope of adoption into Roman society or the possibility of somehow purchasing one's own freedom. The third type of slavery revealed in the Word is that of the bond-servant. In this arrangement one may be sold into servitude by parents or one may sell themselves for money or to settle a debt. This type of slavery is approved and regulated by God in the Torah. This slave has few rights and is the exclusive property of the master. He does have hope of redemption and or release at the sabbatical year. This type of slave is the one compared to the servants of God in the NT. This slavery is good and acceptable to God.

The prisoner of war and the roman style slavery is not condoned by God, but is recognized as a real state of affairs for the believer. It does not, however, transcend the liberty we have in Christ. That liberty is possible even though one is a slave in disagreeable circumstances.

The bond-servant slave is much like a person that signs an employment contract that is legally binding. While the analogy is not complete, it does give us a feel for acceptable slavery. One of my ancestors was an indentured servant. This was her way of paying for her passage to America in the late 1700's.

Whether or not our point of view supports what the Bible teaches, the Bible is always right and true and His Word always trumps human opinion. The same may be said for the Bible truth of marriage. Marriage according to God is always the relationship of one man and one woman. The same man may also have the same relationship, simultaneously with an additional wife and still be legitimate in each. God does not approve, promote or condone group marriage. What God says , He means and what He approves is always acceptable to Him, whether we like it or not. He will not change to meet our expectations. We should change to meet His.

Random thoughts and questions

My mind often scatters like fall leaves blowing in the wind. These thoughts and questions are one of those scatterings. I invite your responses and insights.

1. Can a single Christian man or woman THRIVE, emotionally, socially or spiritually in todays American society??
2. Is the opposition to the FLDS polygynist lifestyle appropriate when compared to the accepted and tolerated loose living lifestyle of moderate "Christians"?
3. Is feminism the result of evolutionary thinking or does it have a Biblical basis?
4. Thought: A man, whose wife has the power (ability, right) to permit or forbid his taking on the responsibility of an additional wife, is not operating in Biblical patriarchal authority.

Sarah Palin - VP or Possible Prez

Sarah Palin is a fresh breeze blowing over the political meadow. While I admire her many accomplishments and many of her views, I cannot endorse her for office, on the grounds of principle. As one who believes strongly in patriarchy as God's standard for society, I cannot elect a matriarch to what may amount to be the highest office of our country. While she may be an admirable person, she is a matriarch none the less. How can she function as wife and mother and still function as governor or VP or possibly as president? If she isn't then we must investigate the views of her husband, because he would be the power behind the "throne". I am not diminishing Mrs. Palin or her ability. I am however, lamenting that there isn't a patriarch in America that could step up to the plate and do an equal job. This lack of real men is the downfall and destruction of our country.

Where to get married? MM #1

"A Marriage made in Heaven", is a phrase that most people would desire to have describe their marriage. A lofty goal indeed, but one fraught with disappointment. Marriages are not made in heaven, but in the day to day experiences of life. Some feel that if only they were married in Church or a religious ceremony they would have better success in their home. Experiences of thousands of couples over my 40+ years of observation, show me that there is no correlation between where or what kind wedding ceremony and marital success. I have searched the Bible intently, for a wedding ceremony that I could use in modern times and found, -- NONE--, ZERO! What I did find is a large body of information revealing how one becomes a husband or wife, how we are to treat one another and what our responsibilities are to each other and to God.

In Gods design for marriage there is no ceremony required, no government approval required, no licence or registration required and no certificate required.

What is required is honesty, committment, kindness and obedience to Gods law of how we treat our fellow man.

Bottom line is this, a man and woman that is married, (recognizing the above requirements) on the beach or in the woods, by a Justice of the peace or a Judge or even solemn vows of commitment to each other are just as married in the sight of God and have just as great potential for success as anyone else and in some cases, greater.

Love? That's another MM#