God has two families, all humans by virtue of creation, and those who are children of God by faith in Christ, by virtue of being born-again through the Word of God and the Holy Spirit. God is the ultimate patriarch. He rules because He is the God and Father of us all.
God designed the family to be a patriarchy that reflects His patriarchal structure in His relationship with His families. Those who are His family only by virtue of creation will benefit from following His patriarchal structure, but because of the lack of faith there is rebellion against that structure, resulting in male patriarchal abuse by way of force and female rebellion against God's authority in patriarchal structure. Those who are in His family of faith are to function as a patriarchy in compliance with the will of God, in complete fulfillment of His purpose. While it is difficult to operate in a godly manner while living in a secular, rebellious world, we do have the benefit of the Word of God and the Holy Spirit to equip us for the task. In the godly family, both the husband and wife fulfill their patriarchal roles, motivated by love for God and each other, not through force, violence, or stubbornness.
Husbands are instructed by God to love their wives; to protect, provide for, lead, and guide them in daily living and in their walk with God. They are to be the priests and prophets of their families. None of this is because wives expect it, demand it, or deserve it, but because it is the will of God and He will reward the husband’s faithfulness. Wives are instructed by God to be in submission to their husbands in everything, to reverence them, to encourage and succor them, to care for the home, to raise and nurture his children. She is not to direct him or correct him, nor is she in the position to question his decisions or judgment. As the husbands are to reflect the role and character of God in their role and behavior, wives are to reflect the role of churches and believers in general as they relate to the headship of Christ and His authority over them. God’s plan is God the Father (Patriarch) is head over Christ, Christ is the head over the husband (Patriarch), the husband is the head over the wife (patriarch). This pattern is found in 1 Corinthians 11:3.
God’s plan for His family of faith is for them to operate in patriarchal families motivated by love for God and each other, through the directive of His Word and the instructions contained therein. Wives are instructed to submit to and reverence their husband, not because they deserve it or when the wives think the men are right, but only because God said so. Husbands are to care for and love their wives, not because they are lovable or when they are nice to their men or when they want some spousal interaction, but because God said so! To alter this plan, for whatever reason is to argue and dispute with our Creator and Redeemer. Arguing with Him, removes Him as Lord and substitutes our will as the authority in our lives.
These instructions are only for the family of faith. For God’s redeemed and born-again faithful family, there is NO exception and NO escape clause. Changing this pattern is fighting with God and it is guaranteed that you will lose on many levels. There is no other way, but to TRUST and OBEY!