I have abandoned the career of matchmaker because of the lack of sufficient resources. In speaking to several men over the last few weeks, it seems, in the opinion of most of them, I would certainly fail. The consensus of opinion is that all the available women are s---s, b------s and w----s. All the good ones, are taken, too young or too old. Since I am a curious optimist, investigation was inevitable. The first thing I found was bitterness and ignorance abound (on both sides of the sexual divide). There has been way too much pain and misery to allow clear thinking and good judgment. As a 41 year veteran of matrimony myself, I am self-certified to speak on this issue.
I agree there aren’t many women available that qualify as good wife material. However, not because of lack in their character, but for most of them it is due to ignorance. They, as have most of our population, been brain washed by our popular culture as to what a wife really is to be. Let’s check with the designer. I know it is against our image to read the instructions, but let’s try it anyway.
Genesis 3:16 “Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.” Before sin became part of human nature, God declared His purpose for creating wives, and nothing has changed that, not even sin. God made the first wife to be a helper to the man, a helper that is compatible with him, but a helper nonetheless. He is the leader; she is the helper, as designed by God. Why do we think we can improve on God’s design? Men are ignorant of leadership and women are ignorant of what it means to be a helper. For this article we will set aside leadership for another time and for greater investigation and focus on helpers. After sin entered, the human relationship is clarified, not changed. As a result of sin she will desire to lead, but leadership remains mans responsibility. It is not about qualification or ability, but design and authority of the designer.
“Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the Saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.” Let’s put aside all the romance that has affected us all our lives (can that happen?) and look at what works. God designed much more than marriage and its all been working since the beginning of time. “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it”. Nothing successfully lives with two heads. Everything has a front or back, top or bottom, beginning or end, inside or outside or first and last. Why would we think that marriage wouldn’t have similar parameters? Any marriage must have an authority figure, a head, to function effectively and properly. God gave that responsibility to the husband. Helpers, DO NOT, exercise the authority of the head. Ladies, do not take upon your-self the authority that God gave to men that will be husbands. If you have a husband that is not the leader he should be, DO NOT take the rein of authority, God gave it to him. If you do, you add to the chaos. Lift him up to God in prayer and be what you are to be in Gods design. God will change him, take him off the scene or you leave him till he does change. Please, do not step into his role. He will never change if you do. Ladies, if you are single, do not compromise and “settle” for a man who will expect you to lead, he’s a “Momma’s Boy” and always will be. You desire a man and not a “boy”. You will only be truly happy with and fulfilled by a “man”.
Below is the Greek word translated reverence, as you can see, it is not what our popular culture teaches as the right behavior of a wife.
[phobeo (fob-eh'-o); to frighten, i.e. (passively) to be alarmed; by analogy, to be in awe of, i.e. revere]
But this is the intention of the designer, God. Do you want a designer marriage, here’s how. Do you want a designer husband; look for one that you can reverence. If you treat him like a boy, that’s how he will likely respond, same thing if you reverence him as a man. Reverence is the attitude we are to have toward God and husbands. If you want your man to love you like God loves you, try revering him as you do God, you will like the change you see. Do you criticize God? Do you second-guess His plans? Do you belittle Him to others? Do you devalue His work and ministry? Do you put God second to family, friends and whatever happens to be on TV? How do you serve God? Is He satisfied with it? Not likely, then why should a husband be served any less? “My husband isn’t like God”, I’m sorry, talk to the designer, it is His idea. If you want a designer marriage and spouse, you must do it Gods way, no options!
We have been indoctrinated by our popular culture that marriage is all about love, but it isn’t. Love is not even the best foundation for marriage. Love is an emotion that can ebb and flow like the tide, with the moon or our circumstances. According to Titus 2, young women can be and may be taught to love their husbands. Not “how” to love, but “to” love. This is after the marriage; therefore it is not the foundation. Two issues are more important to a man in marriage than anything else, trust and respect. Trust and respect are more important than love because they are the bedrock characteristics of a husband. A wife may love her husband with all her heart and being, but if she does not shore him up with trust and respect, she emasculates him in the relationship and he cannot and will not be the husband desired. It is impossible for a man to be a leader, if he does not have loyal, faithful, trusting, respectful followers. I know our culture teaches equality of the sexes and equality of the roles in marriage. They are wrong. The designer of marriage, our God and Creator has declared equal value in His sight, but distinctly different roles for men and women. He has repeatedly expressed His displeasure and judgment for those who would alter His Word and purposes. Be a designer wife and have a designer marriage. Become good wife material and God will provide you with a husband you can reverence, trust, respect and love.