The main concern at hand is what kind of man should a Godly woman seek for a husband. Close on the heels of that issue is where will she find a supply of such men from which to select. I will try to present this from what I perceive to be a woman’s perspective and hope that any ladies reading this will let me know if I’m accurate or even close.
The first issue most women have is the desire to marry a man, not a boy or an adult male that isn’t confident in his own skin. I think this is the reason otherwise sensible women fall for the “bad boys”. God designed women to respond to confidence and authority and even though there is much negative about the “bad boys” their confidence and authority is appealing to many women. For a male to qualify as part of the inventory of husband material he must be or be well on the way to becoming a man in all that is implied in that name. The first requisite is that he is responsible. Irresponsibility is the mark of immaturity, not manhood.
1. Husband material will be a man responsible for his own actions, who owns up to the consequences without blaming others. A Godly woman looking for a husband wants and should be able to find a man she can lean on and trust to take care of and protect her. Since God gave women the responsibility of being helpers, supporters, followers and cheerleaders, it necessarily follows that the man considered as husband material must be capable of that kind of support and loyalty.
2. God established the husband as the spiritual leader and priest of the family; therefore he is responsible to God for his own and his wife’s spiritual instruction and compliance. He has the obligation to act in the place of God in his home and marriage, setting the example and direction of life as God’s man on the scene. He is not to act on his own whims and pleasures but to teach by precept and practice the truth’s of God’s Word, thereby establishing God as the final authority in all things. He will not shirk this responsibility, forcing his wife to make the effort of leadership.
3. Contrary to contemporary teaching a man who will be husband material for a Godly woman will be a man who is not dependant upon his wife for his sense of value and worthiness. He will find his lifeline in his relationship with our Lord, if he looks anywhere else he will be unable to act in the place of God in his family. Sometimes loneliness on the human plane is the price to pay for leadership, but we cannot allow our spouse or children’s attitudes or feelings about us serve as the criteria for our actions or sense of worth. We are God’s men; no one else has that claim upon us, no one. I am aware of the Biblical text that says the two shall be one. The text is dealing with physical union and family relationships, not spiritual oneness. That is a topic we will deal with later.
4. A man who is husband material is a man with a purpose for living; he is serving God in some kind of personal ministry in which he is endeavoring to be faithful. He may, hopefully, have a dream that can be shared by his wife and family.
5. Any man worthy of being husband material must be a man cultivating Godly character, behavior, attitudes and goals. He should reflect God’s nature even though he is a man.
Taking on the responsibility of a wife is no small or insignificant action. It is not easy to be a good husband. Not everyone should marry. If we cannot take the responsibility seriously, it is better to not start on that path.
“Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD”, Proverbs 18:22
“Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge”, Hebrews 13:4
Some folks, men and women alike, think that these verses imply that everyone should marry. That is not the case. The same logic applied to another case shows the fallacy of that thought. There is a shortage of jet pilots; since most pilots are men and the need is there then every man should be a pilot. Please leave me off that plane. There is more to being a husband than being a male. We use the term husbandry to describe farming or plant nurturing; animal husbandry is the course description at many agricultural colleges to describe training in animal care, nurturing and raising. To be a husband is to be one who cares for, nurtures his family and provides and protects them. Not easy or simple. Again contrary to our society, being a husband is not a task that should be taken on by young and inexperienced men. Marrying at 18, 19, or 20 is entering into a great responsibility unprepared. Thank God that so many marriages have succeeded thus far. It is far better for a woman to marry a man somewhat older than herself, a man that has established himself in the world, than to marry some one who has not yet honed his leadership skills or found his place in the world. It is better for a man to wait until he has entered into a trade or a profession and has begun to establish his ability to provide for a wife, before he marries.
If a wife is to “submit herself unto her own husband as unto the Lord”, (Ephesians 5) then he should treat her as the Lord treats her. If a wife is to be”help” for her husband (Genesis 2:18), then he must be doing something that he needs help with. If a wife is to call her husband “lord” (I Peter 3:6), then he needs to act with confidence and authority.
I am persuaded that most if not all Godly women want to be a wife to such a man. Women have gotten a bum wrap for wanting to change their husband after they marry, but I believe they wouldn’t if they had good husband material to start with.
Where can such men be found? That is the next topic.
